Rocky LaPorte - Staten Island Zoo

  • Season 9 , Ep 18
  • 06/09/2005
  • Views: 10,022

Whose job is it to make sure nobody eats in the bathroom of the Staten Island Zoo? (3:11)

SO I'M LIKE A LOT OF GUYS THAT

GREW UP IN A BIG ITALIAN

NEIGHBORHOOD.

Audience Member: WOO!

Rocky LaPorte: YEAH, THANKS.

I GREW UP IN UH...

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

I GREW UP IN...ROME.

AND UH...

[LAUGHTER]

ALL RIGHT, ROMAN!

AND UH, THEN I LIVED IN

BROOKLYN.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

YEAH?

ALL RIGHT.

DO YOU KNOW TONY?

[LAUGHTER]

I LOVE BROOK...

MY UNCLE USED TO HAVE AN ITALIAN

RESTAURANT IN BROOKLYN.

IT WAS CALLED "HEY, EAT THIS".

[LAUGHTER]

I LIVED IN A CRUMMY

NEIGHBORHOOD.

I REMEMBER WHEN I WAS LITTLE

I REMEMBER LIKE LAYING IN BED

AT NIGHT, LOOKING THE STARS AND

THINKING LIKE, "WHERE THE HELL

IS THE ROOF?"

[LAUGHTER]

AND UH, THEN WE MOVED TO

CHICAGO, 'CAUSE MY DAD HE GOT

TRANSFERRED TO UH JULIET FEDERAL

PENITENTIARY AND UH...

[LAUGHTER]

I LIKE CHICAGO.

MY UNCLE HAD A GAS STATION THERE

IT WAS CALLED, "HEY, PUMP THIS".

[LAUGHTER]

BUT UH LAST TIME I WAS HERE

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I WAS IN

STATEN ISLAND AND UH...

[CHEERING]

IT'S NOT THAT NICE.

[LAUGHTER, WHISTLES & APPLAUSE]

I WENT TO THE STATEN ISLAND ZOO,

YOU EVER BEEN THERE?

OH, WHAT A PIECE A PIECE OF

[BLEEP] THAT PLACE IS.

THEY GOT LIKE FOUR BIRDS AND A

SQUIRREL, YOU EVER BEEN THERE?

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

THEY DON'T EVEN HAVE GOOD

ANIMALS.

THERE WAS LIKE A LIZARD OR

SOMETHING RAN BY, I WAS LIKE,

WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?

THE GUY GOES, "THAT'S NOT OURS."

[LAUGHTER]

THEY DIDN'T EVEN HAVE A MONKEY.

THEY HAD LIKE A LITTLE HAIRY

ITALIAN GUY.

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

THEY HAVE GOLD CHAINS AND A

BEEPER, WHAT A CRUMMY ZOO.

THE GUY GOES, "DID YOU SEE

THE BIRD EXHIBIT?"

I'M LIKE, "YEAH, NICE DUCK."

A ZOO, IT WAS LIKE TWO GUYS

GOT TOGETHER AND THEY GO, "HEY,

I GOT A DOG AND YOU GOT A BIRD,

[BLEEP], LET'S HAVE A ZOO.

[LAUGHTER]

C'MON, CALL UP JIMMY AND

TELL HIM TO BRING HIS CAT."

THEN THEY CHARGE ME TO GET

IN THERE.

IT'S LIKE $5.00.

IT COMES OUT TO LIKE A BUCK AN

ANIMAL OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

[LAUGHTER]

THEY HAD A SIGN IN THE BATHROOM.

IT SAID NO SMOKING OR EATING.

WHO THE HELL'S GONNA EAT IN

THE BATHROOM OF THE ZOO?

YA KNOW LIKE, "HEY, THE ZOO

DON'T SMELL BAD ENOUGH, LET'S

GO HAVE A SNACK IN THE JOHN."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

WHO'S JOB IS IT TO GO IN THERE

AND CHECK ON THAT?

THEY'RE LIKE, "HEY JIMMY,

WHEN YOU'RE DONE WASHING

THE DUCK, GO TO THE BATHROOM AND

MAKE SURE NOBODY'S EATING IN

THERE, WILL YA?"

[LAUGHTER]

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