Paul F. Tompkins - Phone Lover

  • Season 11 , Ep 15
  • 03/15/2007
  • Views: 6,482

Anticipated text messaging can be a beautiful thing. (3:05)

A TEXT MESSAGE,IT TRIES TO HELP ME OUT.

LIKE, I'LL TAP INA COUPLE LETTERS, RIGHT,

AND THEN THE PHONE WILL POP UP SOME SHADOWY GHOSTY LETTERS

NEXT TO THE LETTERS I'VE TYPED IN

COMPLETING A POTENTIAL WORD

AS IF TO SAY,"IS THIS WHAT YOU MEAN?"

[LAUGHTER]

AND SOMETIMES IT IS!

AND I'D SAY, "THANKS, PHONE.

YOU HAVE ANTICIPATED MY NEEDS LIKE AN ATTENTIVE LOVER."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

OH BUT, SOMETIMES, FOLKS...[STOMPS FOOT]

SOMETIMES THAT PHONEIS A MIGHT PRESUMPTUOUS

ABOUT ONE WORDIT THINKS I'M GOING FOR.

OH, YOU NEED EXAMPLES? HERE THEY COME!

I BACK UP MY THEORIES WITH DATA.

I WRITE A MESSAGE TO A FRIEND OF MINE,

AND I'M TRYING TO TELL HIM I HAVE A BAD COUGH, RIGHT,

COUGH, I PUT IN C-O-U, THE PHONE SUGGESTS "COUGAR?".

NO, NOT AT ALL.

THAT'S REALLY YOUR DEFAULT C-O-U WORD "COUGAR"?

C-O-U PROBABLY MEANS COUGAR-- IT'S PROBABLY COUGAR.

WHAT ELSE COULD HE BE GOING FOR?

COUGAR-- C-O-U-- COUGAR. C-O-U-G, WHAT'D I TELL YA? COUGAR.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

UM, MY FEELING IS I THINK PEOPLE COUGH

MORE THAN THEY ENCOUNTER COUGARS.

AT LEAST I SHOULD HOPE SO.

HEY, I CAN'T TALK TO YOU RIGHT NOW 'CAUSE I'M BEING ATTACKED BY A COUGAR

AND I'M SAVING MY VOICE FOR SCREAMS.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

- THEN-- HOLD ON-- - [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

THEN, I'M TRYINGTO WRITE A MESSAGE WITHTHE WORD "PHONE" IN IT.

"PHONE"!

I PUT IN P-H-O.

- THE PHONE SUGGESTS "PHOENIX?" - [LAUGHTER]

WHAT?

PHONE, EVEN PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN PHOENIX WRITE PHONE MORE THAN PHOENIX.

THEY KNOW WHERE THEY ARE.

- PLUS, YOU'RE A PHONE! - [LAUGHTER]

- HAVE A LITTLE SELF-ESTEEM! - [LAUGHTER]

- SOMETIMES IT IS ABOUT YOU. - [LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

PHOENIX.

OH, THAT'S RIGHT PHONE, YOU HAVE CAUGHT ME YET AGAIN

- TEXTING MY ANCIENT GREEK PALS. - [LAUGHTER]

"HEY, GUYS, WHATEVER HAPPENED WITH THAT PHOENIX?

"DID IT RISE FROM THE ASHES? I HAD A BET WITH A FRIEND?

OKAY, CATCH YOU LATER,GOLDEN FLEECE CYCLOPS."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

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