Chad Daniels - High School Reunion

  • Season 12, Ep 18
  • 01/11/2008
  • Views: 6,288

Who introduces someone as "fourth-generation attorney?" (2:52)

I WENT TO A CLASS REUNION

NOT TOO LONG AGO,

AND MY EX-GIRLFRIENDFROM HIGH SCHOOL WAS THERE.

SHE WAS ALL LIKE, "OH, LOOK ATHOW GREAT MY LIFE HAS BECOME

"SINCE I DUMPED YOUR LOSER ASS.

I'M SPREADING MY FEATHERS.I'M A PEACOCK."

IT WAS SO RIDICULOUS.SHE GOES, "EXCUSE ME, EVERYONE!

"THIS IS MY HUSBAND, DARREN,

AND HE'S FOURTH-GENERATIONATTORNEY."

WHO INTRODUCES SOMEONE AS"FOURTH-GENERATION ATTORNEY"?

SO I WAS LIKE,"HEY, DARREN, I'M CHAD.

I ACTUALLY DATED STACYIN HIGH SCHOOL."

AND HE GOT ALL UPSET, YOU KNOW?HE WAS LIKE, "OH, YOU DATED HER?

"THAT'S INTERESTING BECAUSE,FOR OUR HONEYMOON,

I TOOK HER AROUND THE WORLD."

I WAS LIKE,"OH, THAT'S INTERESTING,

'CAUSE FOR JUNIOR PROM,I TOOK HER VIRGINITY."

[ LAUGHTER, CHEERS, APPLAUSE ]

"I MEAN, MY DAD AND MY GRANDPANEVER TOUCHED HER,

SO I'M FIRST-GENERATIONCHERRY-POPPER AND STUFF."

[ LAUGHTER, CHEERS, APPLAUSE ]

HE WASN'T HAPPY LIKE YOU GUYS.

HE WAS LIKE, "I GRADUATED TOPOF MY LAW CLASS

AND ACED THE BOARDS,AND I OBJECT!"

I WAS LIKE, "I WATCH'LAW & ORDER' ON WEDNESDAYS,

AND YOU'RE OVERRULED, BITCH."

[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]

TUNG TUNG!

'CAUSE NOW HE CAN'T HIT ME.I'M NOT EVEN THERE ANYMORE.

HE WINDS UP, I'M LIKE,"TUNG TUNG!"

I'M AT THE COURTHOUSE.READ THE WHITE LETTERS, DUDE.

TUNG TUNG! APARTMENTIN THE BRONX, 10:38 A.M.

STEP IT OFF.STEP IT OFF.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

I TRIED LEARNING FRENCHA WHILE BACK.

THAT'S SO RIDICULOUS.

I DON'T EVEN KNOWALL OF ENGLISH.

HAVE YOU EVER TALKEDTO A REALLY SMART PERSON?

YOU'RE JUST LIKE, "I DON'T KNOWWHAT YOU JUST SAID."

[ LAUGHTER ]

"THAT ONE WORD -- HOLY CRAP!

THAT WAS A GOOD BIG WORD.THAT WAS BIG."

AND IT SUCKS BECAUSE MY FRIEND'SAN ENGLISH TEACHER,

HE'S ALWAYS CORRECTINGMY GRAMMAR, WHICH HEHAS TO DO CONSTANTLY.

I WAS LIKE, "ME AND KEVIN, WE'REGOING TO THE GAME. WANT TO GO?"

HE'S LIKE, "IT'S 'KEVIN AND I.'"I WAS LIKE, "OH, YOU'RE RIGHT.

IT IS KEVIN AND I 'CAUSEYOU'RE NO LONGER INVITED."

THAT'S RIGHT.

SOMETIMES I LOOK UP A WORDIN THE DICTIONARY.

IN THE DEFINITION,

THERE'S TWO OR THREE WORDSI HAVE TO LOOK UP.

DO YOU KNOW HOW BAD THAT SUCKS?

I LOOKED UP A WORD ONE TIME,A HALF-HOUR LATER,

I HAD A LIST OF 51 WORDSTO LOOK UP.

MY WIFE WALKS IN --

"LOOKS LIKE THAT LISTIS GROWING EXPONENTIALLY."

"WELL, 52, BITCH.THANKS FOR STOPPING BY.

THAT'S GREAT.THAT'S REALLY NEAT."

SO I TOOK A FRENCH CLASS, RIGHT?

BUT THEY HADTHE "NO ENGLISH" RULE,

WHICH IS THE MOST RIDICULOUSTHING I'VE HEARD IN MY LIFE.

EVERY DAY I WAS IN THERE --"EN FRANCAIS.

MNH-MNH-MNH-MNH-MNH-MNH-MNH!EN FRANCAIS."

"I DON'T KNOW THE LANGUAGE.

"THAT'S WHY I TOOK YOUR COURSE.

HOLA! DUMARITA!"

[ LAUGHTER, CHEERS, APPLAUSE ]

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