Dan Soder - Quitting Cigarettes

Dan Soder: Not Special Season 1, Ep 1 05/21/2016 Views: 5,520

Until Dan Soder stopped smoking, he didn't realize some of its strangest negative side effects. (2:33)

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I'm trying to get healthier.

I'm trying to make myselfa better person.

I just hit 2 1/2 yearsof quitting smoking cigarettes,


[cheers and applause]- Boo!

- Thank you, but no.

Wait.Did someone boo that?

What, is the [bleep]Marlboro Man here?

Why would you boo that?

Big Tobaccoin the second balcony.

"You should keep going.

Remember how relaxedit made you?"




I mean, I do think--I think it's awesome.

I think smoking's still cool.How about that?

Yeah, it's still cool.- Whoo!

- There is nothing coolerthan watching a 90-year-old man

smoke a cigarette

with that look on his face,

like, "Yeah...

I won."


When you put it like that,I think you did.

Smoke two.You're playing with house money.

I do recommend quitting smoking.

There are a lotof great benefits.

You save money.

Immediately, 50% lesscrazy people in your life.


Because when yousmoke cigarettes in any city

and you go outsideand light one up,

you might as welljust shoot a [bleep] flare

into the sky

that tells every drunkand insane person

you feel like havinga conversation.

That little orange ember

becomes like a lighthousefor the mentally ill.


They could be five blocks away,

taking a [bleep]in a garbage can.

They see you smoking,they're like...


"I'm gonna go talk to that guy.

He needs a friendwhile he destroys himself."

Just not good people.

You never meet good peoplesmoking cigarettes, ever.

I promise you that.

You never see a pillarof the community

stop and talk to you.


Never a businessmanbriskly walking to work

and then just like,"Hey, here's a stock tip."

And you're like, "Oh,I didn't know they went public."

That's not what you get.

You get a guyin [bleep] tin foil pants,

wearing a soiled lotto shirt,

just mouth-breathingin your face.

I've seen so many deranged faces

'cause of the cigarettesI've smoked.

It's like me and the HR guyat a carnival.

That's it.

We've seen the grossest faces.