I'm trying to get healthier.
I'm trying to make myselfa better person.
I just hit 2 1/2 yearsof quitting smoking cigarettes,
[cheers and applause]- Boo!
- Thank you, but no.
Wait.Did someone boo that?
What, is the [bleep]Marlboro Man here?
Why would you boo that?
Big Tobaccoin the second balcony.
"You should keep going.
Remember how relaxedit made you?"
I mean, I do think--I think it's awesome.
I think smoking's still cool.How about that?
Yeah, it's still cool.- Whoo!
- There is nothing coolerthan watching a 90-year-old man
smoke a cigarette
with that look on his face,
When you put it like that,I think you did.
Smoke two.You're playing with house money.
I do recommend quitting smoking.
There are a lotof great benefits.
You save money.
Immediately, 50% lesscrazy people in your life.
Because when yousmoke cigarettes in any city
and you go outsideand light one up,
you might as welljust shoot a [bleep] flare
into the sky
that tells every drunkand insane person
you feel like havinga conversation.
That little orange ember
becomes like a lighthousefor the mentally ill.
They could be five blocks away,
taking a [bleep]in a garbage can.
They see you smoking,they're like...
"I'm gonna go talk to that guy.
He needs a friendwhile he destroys himself."
Just not good people.
You never meet good peoplesmoking cigarettes, ever.
I promise you that.
You never see a pillarof the community
stop and talk to you.
Never a businessmanbriskly walking to work
and then just like,"Hey, here's a stock tip."
And you're like, "Oh,I didn't know they went public."
That's not what you get.
You get a guyin [bleep] tin foil pants,
wearing a soiled lotto shirt,
just mouth-breathingin your face.
I've seen so many deranged faces
'cause of the cigarettesI've smoked.
It's like me and the HR guyat a carnival.
We've seen the grossest faces.