Megan Mooney - Irish = Mexican

  • Season 10, Ep 9
  • 03/16/2006
  • Views: 27,384

I'LL TELL YOU THIS MUCH,I'M ONE OF SEVEN KIDS.

I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKIN'. YOU'RE LIKE

"YOU DON'T EVEN LOOK MEXICAN." UM, I'M NOT. I'M IRISH.

IT'S PRETTY MUCH THE EXACT SAME THING.

I THINK WHATI'M TRYING TO TELL YOU,

IS THAT MY PARENT'S ARE CATHOLIC WHICH MEANS THEY LOVE JESUS

AND LIQUOR, YEAH.

I DON'T THINK THERE'S ANYTHING MORE MEXICAN THAN THAT.

ALL RIGHT, WE'LL MOVE ON,WE'LL MOVE ON.

OH, MAN, I HAVE BEEN MARRIEDFOR THREE YEARS, WHICH IS NICE.

- [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]- YEAH, THANK YOU.

YEAH. YOU GUYS ARE HAPPY,

BUT IT JUST SEEMS TO IRRITATE PEOPLE

THAT I DON'T HAVE CHILDREN YET.WHEN I DATED MY HUSBAND,

EVERYONE'S LIKE, "WHAT ARE YOU GONNA GET MARRIED?"

AND NOW THAT WE'RE MARRIED, PEOPLE ARE LIKE,

"WHEN ARE YOU GONNA HAVE KIDS?"

WE NEVER KNOW WHAT TO SAY.WE'RE ALWAYS LIKE

"WE TRIED FIVE TIMES LAST NIGHT." YEAH.

IT SHOULD BE AWKWARD FOR THEM AS WELL.

I DON'T ENJOY SAYING THAT. BUT I DO ENJOY THE SAD LOOK

ON THEIR FACE RIGHT AFTER I SAY IT.

- [LAUGHTER] - YEAH.

MY MOM'S LIKE, "REAL CLASSY. YOU JUST RUINED CHRISTMAS."

MY FRIENDS ARE STARTING TO HAVE KIDS WHICH IS NICE.

I DON'T KNOW, IT'S WEIRDWHEN YOUR FRIENDS START HAVING--

LIKE HAVE YOU EVER KNOWN SOMEONE FOR SO LONG

THAT WHEN THEY TELL YOUTHEY'RE PREGNANT,

YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO REACT APPROPRIATELY?

LIKE EVERYONE'S HAPPY AND HUGGING 'EM, BUT YOU'RE LIKE,

- "OH. - [LAUGHTER]

"WE THOUGHT IT WAS A BAD IDEA YOU GUYS GOT MARRIED.

"BUT WE DIDN'T FEEL LIKEWE COULD SAY ANYTHING,

'CAUSE IT WAS OPEN BAR." YEAH, YEAH. THAT'S RIGHT. YES.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THERE'S THE THING WHEN YOUR FRIENDS GET MARRIED AND BECOME PARENTS,

THEY BECOME BAD FRIENDS.THAT'S THE CYCLE.

I'M NOT SAYING THAT TO BE RUDE. I REALIZE BEING A PARENT

IS MORE NOBLE THAN BEING MY FRIEND,

BUT IT IS NOT AS MUCH FUN. I STILL GO TO THEIR HOUSES.

I'M LIKE, "COME ON, WE'RE GOING OUT." AND THEY'RE LIKE

"I HAVE A BABY." AND I'M LIKE, "KENNEL THAT BITCH. LET'S GO!"

- [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]- YEAH.

"THROW SOME FOOD ON THE FLOOR. IT CAN CRAWL.

YOU'RE SO ANAL ABOUT YOUR BABY."

DON'T EVER SAY THAT. THAT WILL RUIN A FRIENDSHIP.

IT'S VERY INSENSITIVE, AND I REALIZE THAT,

'CAUSE I HAVE NIECES AND NEPHEWS.

I LOVE NIECES AND NEPHEWS,

'CAUSE THEY'RE LITTLE, TINY PEOPLE

THAT ARE TRAINED TO LOVE YOU. THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY.

HOW CUTE IS THAT? THEY JUST STAND THERE.

THEY'RE LIKE "I LOVE YOU."

I'M LIKE "YOU'RE A HORRIBLE JUDGE OF CHARACTER.

NOW LET'S GO BREAK YOUR PARENTS' STUFF."

'CAUSE THAT'S ALL KIDS DO ANYWAYS.

YOU MIGHT AS WELL HELP 'EM, RIGHT?

IT'S NOT YOURS. I'M LIKE, "YEAH, THE VCR'S HUNGRY.

"PUT SOME SPAGHETTI IN IT. I DON'T CARE. DO IT!

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

"YEAH. "WANNA SHOVE ANOTHER SHOE IN THE TOILET? I DON'T CARE, MAN."

I HAVE A NIECETHAT'S AN ANIMAL ABUSER.

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