- I get scaredby everything.
I get scaredby watching the news.
The only way I can watchthe news, I've decided,
is to try and look forthe funny elements of it,
and there aresome funny stories.
Some of theAmerican stories,
I've seen somebrilliant ones, right.
My favorite wasat the time of
the Californianforest fires.
I was watchin'the news, right,
and this guy genuinely saidthat apparently in the blaze
300 mobile homeshave been destroyed.
Now, I don't know whetherthere are that many advantages
to a mobile home,if any.
But one of the main ones,the big selling point
of the mobile home,is that you're not really
tied down to an area,especially if the said area
is on [deleted] fire!
[audience laughing, applauding]
Even-even on the newspeople say stupid things.
I saw a guy being interviewedon the BBC News back home,
right, an expert--he was a so-called expert.
He genuinely said, right,that apparently obesity
is now a bigger threatto the western world
than Al Qaeda.
It's definitely not.
What would you ratherhave sit opposite you
on the subwayon your way home tonight,
some mental guy with a beardand a hundred yard stare
with a backpackfull of Semtex
or just a jollylittle fat kid
with a backpackfull of cake?
I want fatty.
'Cause I do.
I get scared ofyoung people.
I get scared ofyouths, yeah.
The worst, right,are the young people
that are likethe gangs, right,
that sit on public transportlike pack of wolves.
They have their hoodiesand their caps
and they play theirmusic really loud
on their mobile phones,
that's what theylike doing, yeah.
I found outthe hard way,
they don't like itwhen you make requests.
I didn't knowwhat I was doing.
I turned 'round.
The leader of the packis just staring at me.
He's like, "Hey, broth,what do you want?"
"Um, Justin Bieberwould be nice."