Dave Mordal - Smoked Out

Season 1, Ep 0103 08/03/2006 Views: 8,076

Pretty soon, Dave will have to pretend to smoke pot if he wants a cigarette. (1:41)

just right

so it looks like it just saysbehind me, "Got ham."

Fat people thinking I'm doing,like, a private

for the Pork Producersof America.

You know, as I wanderaround this country,

I think, "How fat are we going to get?"

I wouldn't be surprisedif our country slides, like,

six feet towards Mexicoin the next couple of years.

I went to get ice creama couple of nights ago

at a grocery store.

You know what was left?Fat-free. You know why?

'Cause the fat ( bleep )had taken the good ice cream.

You can't tell me it was all fat-free ice cream.

No. The big ones came inand took it

before the little ones could get there.

That's all there is to it.

So who hands out cigarettesto your homeless people

when I'm not here?

I'm so sick and tired of it.

It's almost like there'ssome bum underground

communications networkthat knows I'm in town.

Just lined up outside my hotel:

"You got a cigarette?You got a cig...?"

Get away from me.

You can't smoke anywhere.You can't smoke in your hotel.

Isn't it amazing how cigarettesmoking is becoming illegal,

but marijuanais being decriminalized?

You know that, in a few years,

I'm going to have to pretendI'm getting high

in order to enjoy a Camel Light?

I'm going to haveto take the filter off,

twist the ends up...( goofy laugh )

For the next hour and a half,

act like my IQhas dropped 80 points.

God forbid I get pulled over.

( sniffing )"Is that tobacco?"

"No, Officer, that's pot."

It's going to happen.