Jacob Sirof - Kids

Season 2, Ep 0207 05/24/2007 Views: 3,873

Kids can be selfish. (1:45)

about four years ago.

Anyone else herethrow away their lives young?

I joke, but I'm a romanticat heart, I really am.

As a matter of fact,our anniversary

is coming up pretty soon--I'm still trying

to figure outwhat to do for her.

I want to think of somethingreally cool,

'cause I'm trying to toplast year's present.

Last year I did somethingreally special.

I took our wedding rings,and I had them engraved.

"Jacob and Sherry,always and forever."

WOMAN: Aw...Well, that's what hers says.

Mine says "No fat chicks."

So, ladies...

consider yourselves warned.

It's a joke. I love fat chicks.

Where the fat girls at tonight?Make some noise, big ladies.


That's cool. I saw some of you.

But that's all right,you're embarrassed.

No problem.Talk to me after the show.

I can't be with a skinny girl.

Look at me--we'd start a fire.

Not sexy.

And illegal.

And pretty unsafe.

My wife and I hada long talk recently.

We decided we don't wantto have any kids.

And then we decidedwe probably should've

had that talk before we had one.


We had our first two years ago.

On New Year's Eve.

New Year's Eve--that's her real birthday.

That's a rockin' birthday,right, man?

Yeah, kind of (bleep)any New Year's plans

I might've had for the restof my life, but whatever.

Kids can be selfish.

And we didn't even plan it;it wasn't a planned pregnancy.

And my wife,she still blames me.

She's always, like, "You didn'tpull out that one time.

Remember,you forgot to pull out?"

I'm, like, "You know what?

"You didn't pull away, bitch.

"You saw that look on my face--

"you know exactlywhat that means.

"Either I've gotan ice cream headache

"or it's baby time.

"You need to start taking alittle bit more responsibility

for your actions, girlfriend."

It's disappointing-- you know,you think you know somebody.