Anthony Jeselnik - Saved for the End

Anthony Jeselnik: Caligula Season 1, Ep 1 01/13/2013 Views: 24,185

Anthony Jeselnik thanks his audience for going everywhere he wanted them to go before breaking out his two most offensive jokes. (2:01)

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a great crowd tonight.

You've gone with me everywhereI've wanted you to go.

But if you've just been sittingthere this whole time, thinking,

"Anthony, this is allwell and good,

but where areyour offensive jokes?

[ Laughter ]

Where are your showstoppers,if you will?"

Well, guys,I save those for the end.

I'm gonna tell you alla series of jokes right now

that are going to getincreasingly more offensive.

[ Cheers and applause ]

I like that enthusiasm.

Let's see how far it carries.

[ Laughter ]

They say it's easy --

They say it's easy to make funof retarded people.

But let metell you guys something --

It is not.

You have reallygot to explain it to them.

[ Laughter ]

That was the first one.

Every night, my girlfriendcomes home from work,

and she brings with hera houseplant.

She's like, "Anthony,I had to pick this up.

We need a houseplantin our apartment."

And every night,I make her return it.

I say, "No way, baby.

You can't take careof a houseplant.

You couldn't evenkeep your baby alive."

[ Laughter ]


Two for two, huh?