Brian Regan - Looking Like an Idiot

Brian Regan & Jonathan Solomon Season 1, Ep 0110 02/24/1992 Views: 21,975

Always check the pressure before drinking from a water fountain. (1:40)

IS WHEN YOU WALKINTO A SPIDER WEB, RIGHT?

BECAUSE NOBODY ELSE SEESTHAT SPIDER WEB.

THEY JUST SEE YOUWALKING OFF IN THE DISTANCE

SUDDENLY FLIPPING OUTFOR NO REASON WHATSOEVER--

JUST WALKING ALONG, YOU KNOW

EVERYTHING'S FINE.

ALL OF A SUDDEN, "WHOA!"

"WHOA!"

"DID YOU SEE THAT GUY?"

"YEAH, HE JUST SNAPPED.

"HE WAS WALKING ALONG.

"HE JUST WENT NUTSNEAR THAT TREE.

LOOK, HE'S STILL DOING IT."

( laughter and applause )

IT'S THE SAME THING

WHEN A BEE CHASES YOU.

NOBODY SEES THE BEE.

THEY JUST SEE YOU GOING, "OH..."

"HEY, IS THAT GUY WAVING TO US?"

OH...

"HELLO, HI."

OH...

"WHO IS THAT GUY?

"I HOPE WE DON'T HAVETO TALK TO HIM.

HI, FROM A DISTANCE."

OH...

WEIRD GUY.

( laughter )

I CAN'T WORK A WATER FOUNTAINWITHOUT LOOKING LIKE AN IDIOT.

I DON'T CHECKTHE FORCE OF THE WATER

BEFORE I STICK MY FACE IN THERE.

YOU KNOW, "WHUP-AH."

I NEEDED A NASAL LUBERIGHT THEN.

I FEEL LIKE A WATER-WIGGLE--

THE WATER GOES UP ONE NOSTRILAND DOWN THE OTHER

LIFTING MY FEET OFF THE GROUND.

WHOA!

"IT'S THE WATER-WIGGLE GUY."

I'M USED TO WATER FOUNTAINSTHAT DRIBBLE OUT SO LITTLE

YOU HAVE TO MAKE EMBARRASSINGSUCKING NOISES TO GET MOISTURE.

( sucking )

"I'M VERY THIRSTY.

"I'VE BEEN EATINGCRACKERS AND SAND.

"I JUST GOT OUT OF THE DESERT.

I'M PARCHED."

( laughter )