Then I moved to Los Angeleswhere everything became
exponentially moredifficult, right?
Like, I knew kind of thatLos Angeles was a car culture.
I didn't know that youjust had to have a car.
You just haveto have a car.
When I first got here Istarted taking the bus places
and then veryquickly realized,
(smug, high class voice)oh, that simply isn't done.
(normal voice) I wouldtell people I took the bus
and they would say, what doyou mean you took the bus?
No, no, no, no, no.
I understand the phrase butnot in like a life context.
Were you researching a role?
So then after I got agood paying showbiz job
I started takingcabs everywhere,
and what cabs had overbuses is that they were a
thousand times moreexpensive and a million
times more unreliable.
Here's what they're great at:
keeping those self-loathingfires stoked at all times,
because in Los Angeles youcan't just stick your hand
in the air and hail a cab.
It's not what you do.
You have to call a cabcompany and ask them to
send a cab over to you.
Like, if you were to walkout and try to hail a cab
in Los Angeles the cabwould think it was weird.
Like, the cab driverwould say, is that guy
trying to hail a cab?
I'm a cab.
In Los Angeles you haveto call a cab company up,
much like a childasking for their parent
to pick themup from a place.
(child-like voice)Hello, cab company?
Can you come get me?
I'm not a real grown up.
I'm just like a bigbaby in a man suit.