So, I've been tempingat the job that laid me off.
And that's awkward 'cause...
everybody knows I got canned
and they think I've come backto shoot them.
'Cause you've seen what thoseoffice shooters look like.
I would never do that though,
'cause I think I'm moreof a strangler.
You need that personal touch.
It's kind of hardto strangle a whole office
'cause word gets around.
I hate it when they came aroundwith the annual review.
It's, like, don't bother mewith that.
I'm trying to look busy.
Can't a man runa fantasy football team
without these interruptions?
"What are your long-term goals?
What are your short-term goals?"
Well, my short-term goalis to not fall asleep
while you're talking to me,
and my long-term goal
is to steal an entire Xeroxmachine piece by piece.
So I'm single.
It's weird 'cause I always knew
I was going to diebroke and alone.
I just didn't know I was goingto live that way, too.
There's a lot to rememberwhen you go on a date.
I always forgetsomething important
like which wine goeswith pepper spray?
I went on a bad datewith a foreign girl.
She was from England.
She complained all night.
"You Americans, you're so lazy.
"I saw a sign for a nightclub.
"You spelled it 'N-I-T-E,'and not 'N-I-G-H-T.'
"How come you're so lazy?
Can't use a proper spelling?"
I said, "Really?
What's up with your teeth?"
Have you seen English teeth?
They look like baked beans.It's disgusting.
You can't talk trashwith a mouth like that.
Those candy corns pointingin all different directions.
Good evening, guv'nor.
Care for a spot of gingivitis?
How can a whole countryhave tooth decay?
Is there a whole countrythat has body odor?
So I went out with thisFrench girl...