All right, let's move on nowto less serious news.
-The Supreme Court.-(laughter)
Last night Americawas finally introduced
to Donald Trump's pick forthe highest court in the land,
and he comes fromthe highest state in the land.
NEWSMAN: The president announcing
conservative Neil Gorsuch, a federal appeals court judge
from Denver, who he praised for having a brilliant mind
and tremendous discipline.
He is the man of our country,
and a man who our countryreally needs and needs badly.
I-Is Trump introducing a judge
or reading Supreme Courterotic fiction?
(like Trump): America neededJudge Gorsuch badly.
It reached its trembling handunder Justice Gorsuch's robe
to feel his suppleyet tender thigh.
Here's how you know we're livingin Trump's America now.
This appointment isfor the top court in the land,
that rules overan entire branch of government.
It's a lifetime appointment thatcould shape American society
for the next 40 years.
And you can tellthat Trump understood
the gravity of the situation,because he treated it
like an episodeof a reality show.
NEWSWOMAN: This drama, orchestrated by Trump,
resembling an Apprentice style announcement tonight...
NEWSMAN: Sources say the choices come down to two men,
both of whom have reportedly come to Washington tonight,
almost like some kind of reality TV show.
...Judge Neil Gorsuch.
So, was that a surprise? Was it?
Who cares if it's a surprise?
The point of picking a SupremeCourt justice isn't "gotcha!"
It's a judge,not a jack-in-the-box.
What are you doing?
I mean, who announces aSupreme Court nominee like this?
Trump even teased his selectionon Twitter.
This is what he tweeted.
He said, "I have made mydecision on who I will nominate
"for the United StatesSupreme Court.
"It will be announced liveon Tuesday at 8:00 p.m.
Parentheses, White House."
I love how, I love how he putsWhite House after 8:00 p.m.,
as if we don't knowwhere to find him.
-That's where he...-(laughter)
He treats it like a TV show.
"Tune in Tuesday, 8:00 p.m.
Only on White House."
-Only on White House.-(cheering and applause)
Who is this man?
Like, I wouldn't be shockedif in a few years
you're gonna be watching TVand Trump's gonna pop up
at the bottom of the screenwith, like, you know,
"My new law, coming up."
It's gonna beone of those things.
Just like him walking out,
just like, ah, what the hell?
It's happening for real?
(cheering and applause)
Get out of here, man!
Get out of my show!
Get-get out of my show!
The man is so obsessedwith entertainment,
he even included an extra judge.
He included an extra judgejust to build suspense,
which turned CNN into TMZ.
TV REPORTER: Just hours before the president's
big prime-time announcement,
CNN caught up with one of his two top contenders,
Judge Thomas Hardiman, on his way to Washington,
stopping to gas up in Bedford, Pennsylvania.
REPORTER: Can I ask aboutyour trip to D.C.?
Are you the potentialSupreme Court pick?
That poor judge.
The dude is goingfor a D.C. job interview
and he's getting treated likehe just (bleep) a Kardashian.
Totally not cool.
These are serious judges
who deserve to be treatedwith respect.
So with that said, let's learnmore about the man
who actually got the rose,
in tonight's installment ofProfiles in Tremendousness.
I have the mostdedicated people.
I have the best people.I know the best people.
We're gonna use our best people.
I have the smartest peoplein the world.
I know guys that are so good.
So who is Neil Gorsuch?
Well, not only is hea federal judge
on the Tenth Circuit Courtof Appeals,
he's also a part-timeCialis spokesperson.
So you knowhe's not soft on crime.
And though there are someobjections, you know,
people saying, "Oh, anotherwhite dude who went to Harvard."
On the Supreme Court,some say Gorsuch qualifies
as a diversity pick.
All of the members of the courtcurrently are either Catholic
or Jewish, but judge Gorsuch isa Protestant, an Episcopalian.
And so, yo,can we be real for a second?
America has so many flavorsof Caucasian, it's insane.
No, like, sometimes it feelslike I need
a white person sommelier
to, like, pick upthe subtle differences.
He'd be like, "Mmm. I'm pickingup notes of, mmm.
"Oh, yes Episcopalianwith just...
with just a hint of Colorado.Yes, yes."
And I'm just like, "I'm justsmelling white guy.
That's all I get."
Now, look, electionsdo have consequences.
And one of those consequences
is that the president--unless he's Obama--
gets to appoint a Supreme Courtjustice of his choice.
And that's exactly whatDonald Trump has done.
TV REPORTER: Gorsuch sided with religious groups
from the contraceptive requirements in Obamacare.
TV REPORTER: He is a staunch supporter
of the death penalty and gun rights.
Against abortion rights.
Against affirmative action.
Against gay rights.
He's very conservative.A lot of people think
he might be more conservativethan Scalia.
That guy's conservative.
I bet the GOP elephantis jizzing
out of its trunk right now.
And, I mean, you've got to givethe Republicans props.
I don't know what else to say.
Because Obama appointedMerrick Garland
with almost a year leftin his presidency.
Republicans, they stalled,
you know, refused a hearing,
made up bull (bleep) excuses
about why it couldn't,shouldn't, wouldn't be done.
It wasn't nothing but petulantbad behavior for an entire year,
and in the end,they were rewarded
with everything they wanted.
Imagine trying to raise a childin this world.
What do you say to them?
And so I hope you learnedyour lesson, Billy.
(bleep) you, Dad.
That's my boy.
I mean, not only do theyget to fill Scalia's seat
with a like-minded jurist,they found a man
who admires Scaliaso much it hurts.
The world suffereda seismic shock
with the loss of Justice Scalia.
A few weeks ago,I was taking a breather
in the middle of a ski run,with little on my mind
but the next mogul fieldbefore me
when the phone rangwith the news.
I immediately lostwhat breath I had left.
And I'm not admit...embarrassed to admit
that I couldn't see the rest ofthe way down the mountain
for the tears.
That is sad.
He was crying when he heardthe news of Justice Scalia,
who had passed.A really touching story.
the whitest thingI've ever heard.
In the middle of skiing,
you got a call?
I mean, and then youhad to carry on going down.
I'm... I mean, I'm just like,how do you do that?
Skiing is so much fun.
You're just there like,"Wait what?
What happened? No."
(imitates snow flying)