I LIKE ANYBODY THAT'S A BAD ASS

OR A BAD BOY.

I ALWAYS APPRECIATE THOSE

PEOPLE.

I HATE FAKE BAD BOYS, THOUGH.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

I HATE PEOPLE THAT PRETEND TO BE

BAD ASSES AND WHATNOT.

YOU KNOW HOW WE HAVE ALL THOSE

BOY BANDS; RIGHT?

LIKE 'N SYNC AND BACKSTREET

AND L.F.O., 98 DEGREES.

HAVE YOU NOTICED THAT IN EACH

ONE OF THOSE BANDS THERE'S,

LIKE, A DESIGNATED BAD ASS?

(LAUGHTER)

THIS GOES ALL THE WAY BACK TO

DONNY WALLBERG AND THE NEW KIDS,

YOU KNOW?

YEAH.

RIGHT.

(APPLAUSE)

HE'S LIKE THE BAD ASS OF THE

GROUP.

HE'S LIKE THE ONE THAT GONNA--

LIKE IF THEY GET INTO SOME KIND

OF SCOOBY-DO SCRAPE, HE'S THE

ONE THAT'S GONNA GET 'EM OUT.

YOU KNOW?

HE'S THEIR TOUGH GUY.

AND THEY ALL KIND OF LOOK THE

SAME.

THEY HAVE THE FACIAL HAIR AND

THE EARRINGS AND THE TATTOOS.

YOU KNOW?

THEY GOT THE HAT ON BACKWARDS.

THEY'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE BIT

URBAN, TOO.

THEY'RE ALWAYS THE ONES GOING,

"YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, BOY.

YEAH.

WE'RE BRINGING IT.

BACKSTREET'S IN THE HOUSE."

"OH, LOOK OUT.

BACKSTREET'S IN THE HOUSE.

LOOK OUT.

HOW SCARY."

"YEAH, BOY.

YEAH.

YEAH, BOY.

YEAH."

(APPLAUSE)

"YEAH.

BRING IT HERE."

(APPLAUSE CONTINUES)

WHAT IS THAT "YEAH?"

WHAT IS THAT?

WHEN DO YOU DO THAT IN LIFE?

"YEAH, BOY, YEAH."

STOP IT.

"YEAH.

I'M BRINGING IT."

YEAH."

"STOP.

WHAT ARE YOU, A CRAB?"

"YEAH.

I'M A CRAB.

YEAH.

YEAH."

"STOP DOING THAT."

"YEAH."

I SAID "STOP."

"YEAH."

STOP.

HERE'S MY POINT.

I DON'T CARE, UM, LIKE HOW MANY

EARRINGS YOU HAVE OR TATTOOS OR

HOW BIG YOUR MUSCLES ARE OR YOUR

GOATEE OR YOUR HAT ON BACKWARDS,

YOUR BAGGY PANTS, YOUR ATTITUDE.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

AT THE END OF THE DAY IF YOU

STILL HAVE TO GO...

"OH, YEAH."

YOU'RE NOT A BAD BOY.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)