I LIKE ANYBODY THAT'S A BAD ASS
OR A BAD BOY.
I ALWAYS APPRECIATE THOSE
PEOPLE.
I HATE FAKE BAD BOYS, THOUGH.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
I HATE PEOPLE THAT PRETEND TO BE
BAD ASSES AND WHATNOT.
YOU KNOW HOW WE HAVE ALL THOSE
BOY BANDS; RIGHT?
LIKE 'N SYNC AND BACKSTREET
AND L.F.O., 98 DEGREES.
HAVE YOU NOTICED THAT IN EACH
ONE OF THOSE BANDS THERE'S,
LIKE, A DESIGNATED BAD ASS?
(LAUGHTER)
THIS GOES ALL THE WAY BACK TO
DONNY WALLBERG AND THE NEW KIDS,
YOU KNOW?
YEAH.
RIGHT.
(APPLAUSE)
HE'S LIKE THE BAD ASS OF THE
GROUP.
HE'S LIKE THE ONE THAT GONNA--
LIKE IF THEY GET INTO SOME KIND
OF SCOOBY-DO SCRAPE, HE'S THE
ONE THAT'S GONNA GET 'EM OUT.
YOU KNOW?
HE'S THEIR TOUGH GUY.
AND THEY ALL KIND OF LOOK THE
SAME.
THEY HAVE THE FACIAL HAIR AND
THE EARRINGS AND THE TATTOOS.
YOU KNOW?
THEY GOT THE HAT ON BACKWARDS.
THEY'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE BIT
URBAN, TOO.
THEY'RE ALWAYS THE ONES GOING,
"YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, BOY.
YEAH.
WE'RE BRINGING IT.
BACKSTREET'S IN THE HOUSE."
"OH, LOOK OUT.
BACKSTREET'S IN THE HOUSE.
LOOK OUT.
HOW SCARY."
"YEAH, BOY.
YEAH.
YEAH, BOY.
YEAH."
(APPLAUSE)
"YEAH.
BRING IT HERE."
(APPLAUSE CONTINUES)
WHAT IS THAT "YEAH?"
WHAT IS THAT?
WHEN DO YOU DO THAT IN LIFE?
"YEAH, BOY, YEAH."
STOP IT.
"YEAH.
I'M BRINGING IT."
YEAH."
"STOP.
WHAT ARE YOU, A CRAB?"
"YEAH.
I'M A CRAB.
YEAH.
YEAH."
"STOP DOING THAT."
"YEAH."
I SAID "STOP."
"YEAH."
STOP.
HERE'S MY POINT.
I DON'T CARE, UM, LIKE HOW MANY
EARRINGS YOU HAVE OR TATTOOS OR
HOW BIG YOUR MUSCLES ARE OR YOUR
GOATEE OR YOUR HAT ON BACKWARDS,
YOUR BAGGY PANTS, YOUR ATTITUDE.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
AT THE END OF THE DAY IF YOU
STILL HAVE TO GO...
"OH, YEAH."
YOU'RE NOT A BAD BOY.
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)