Kathleen Madigan - Passing the Time

  • Season 3 , Ep 5
  • 07/04/2000
  • Views: 11,138

Lots of free time makes you think that "Unsolved Mysteries" has a chance of working. (1:25)

AND WE HAVE ALL DAY OFF.

AND FOR THOSE TWO REASONS,

THAT'S WHY I WATCH UNSOLVED MYSTERIES,

'CAUSE I THINK I GOT A GOODCHANCE AT FINDING THESE PEOPLE.

MY FAVORITE PART OF THAT SHOW--EVERY TIME THEY HAVE THAT SHOW,

THEY HAVE A SEGMENT CALLED"REUNIONS."

THAT'S WHERE IF YOU HAVEA MISSING RELATIVE, FOR FREE,

UNSOLVED MYSTERIES WILL HELPYOU TRY TO FIND THAT RELATIVE.

AND I AM HERE TO TELL YOUTHAT SO FAR,

FROM WHAT I HAVE SEEN, IF YOU DOHAVE A RELATIVE THAT'S MISSING,

I WOULD JUST GO AHEADAND LEAVE 'EM MISSING,

'CAUSE THE CRITTERS THEY UNEARTHARE UNBELIEVABLE.

THERE'S ALWAYS SOME BIG FAT ASSCOMING OUT OF A TRAILER GOING,

"THANK GOD Y'ALL FOUND ME,'CAUSE I AM BROKE.

"WHAT KIND OF BONE MARROWY'ALL GOT?

I NEED SOME SORT OF TRANSPLANT."

A LOT OF TIMETO KILL ON THE ROAD.

I LISTEN TO DR. LAURA'CAUSE I HATE HER.

ANYBODY ELSE?

GOOD.

BUT I CAN'T QUIT LISTENING,SO WHO'S THE FREAK?

I'M ADDICTED--I JUST--I AM ASTONISHED.

IF YOU'VE NEVER HEARD HER,SHE'S ON A.M. RADIO.

SHE'S NOT A SHRINK,BUT SHE ACTS LIKE A SHRINK.

SHE OFTEN REFERS TO HERSELFAS A MORAL LEADER.

I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU GETTO THAT POINT IN YOUR LIFE,

WHERE YOU'RE WALKING AROUNDYOUR HOUSE ONE DAY GOING,

"YOU KNOW WHAT?

"I'M SO DAMN RIGHTABOUT EVERYTHING,

"I'M GOING TO STARTTAKING CALLS.

REALLY."

I WATCH A LOT OF SPORTS.

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