Mike Birbiglia - Dunkino Donutos

  • Season 8 , Ep 12
  • 03/04/2004
  • Views: 15,239

If Mike worked at a Dunkin' Donuts in Portugal, he would pick up a little of the language. (1:57)

Mike Birbiglia: I WENT TO A

DE LA SOUL CONCERT RECENTLY

AND THEY REALLY HYPE UP THE

AUDIENCE.

THEY WERE LIKE-- IN THE MIDDLE

OF THE CONCERT, LIKE, "IS THE

PARTY OVER HERE?"

AND PEOPLE ARE LIKE, "WHOO!"

"IS THE PARTY OVER HERE?"

PEOPLE LIKE, "WHOO."

I'D LIKE TO DO THAT IN MY SHOWS

BUT I FEEL LIKE IT MIGHT BE

KIND OF A DISASTER.

I'D BE LIKE, "IS THE PARTY OVER

HERE?"

"NO."

"IS THE PARTY--

IS THE PARTY OVER HERE?"

"NOT REALLY."

WELL, THEN I GOTTA GO TO

MAPQUEST, CLICK ON DRIVING

DIRECTIONS WHERE IT SAYS START,

TYPE IN "ME," WHERE IT SAYS END,

TYPE IN "PARTY."

"DO I NEED TO KNOW THE LOCATIONS

OF DENNY'S ALONG THE WAY?"

"NO."

"DO I NEED TO KNOW THE LOCATIONS

OF RAMADA INN ALONG THE WAY?"

"NOT REALLY."

"DO"--

"DAMN, CRACKER.

I'M JUST LOOKING FOR THE PARTY."

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

I WENT TO DUNKIN DONUTS LAST

WEEK, AND THE PERSON WAI--

YEAH, SURE.

AND THE PERSON WAITING ON ME

DIDN'T SPEAK ANY ENGLISH AT ALL.

LIKE NO WORDS.

AND IT'S LIKE, I'M ALL FOR THE

MELTING POT THEORY.

BUT IF I LIVED IN PORTUGAL AND

I WORKED AT DUNKINO DONUTOS...

[LAUGHTER]

I MIGHT PICK UP A FEW KEY WORDS,

YOU KNOW, LIKE DONUTOS,

MUNCHKINOS, CHOCOLATO CAVARATO,

YOU KNOW.

THE CUSTOMERS WOULD BE LIKE,

"BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH DONUTOS."

AND I'D BE LIKE, "RIGHT AWAY,

SIR."

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

AND...

I'D BE LIKE, "SINCE I DIDN'T

UNDERSTAND ANY OF THE OTHER

WORDS YOU SAID, HERE'S A FEW

EXTRA DONUTOS ON THE HOUSE-O."

[LAUGHTER]

MIKE BIRBIGLIA.

[CHEERS, WHISTLES & APPLAUSE]

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