Jack Coen - Turning 40

  • Season 2 , Ep 11
  • 09/03/1999
  • Views: 2,471

Jack just turned 40 this past year. (3:24)

THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE DOWN--

OH, ALL RIGHT.

( laughing )

UM, JUST KIDDINGWITH YOU THERE, BUD.

MAN, LOOK AT YOU, BUD.

HUH? WHAT'S WITH THE TOOTH?

YOU ALL RIGHT?

YEAH.

HOW OLD ARE YOU?

NO, LOOK AT YOU.

HOW OLD ARE YOU?

ARE YOU ALLOWED TO BE IN HERE?

HOW OLD ARE YOU?

TWENTY-TWO.

TWENTY-TWO.

I HATE YOU.

22 YEARS OLD.

THAT'S GREAT.

OH, MAN.

ENJOY IT.

I'M OBSESSED WITH AGE.

I JUST TURNED 40 THIS PAST YEAR.

IT WAS PRETTY TRAUMATIC.

( applause )

YOU'RE APPLAUDING THAT?

I'M GLAD YOU'RE HAPPY.

IT WAS TRAUMATIC FOR ME--

NOT AS TRAUMATIC AS TURNING GAY,BUT STILL IT WAS...

( laughing )

I'M KIDDING.

THAT'S HOW YOU KNOW I'M 40

'CAUSE I CAN EVEN IMPLYTHAT I MIGHT BE GAY.

YOU KNOW, WHEN I WAS 22 I WAS

( tough voice ):SHUT UP, MAN, I AIN'T GAY.

SHUT UP. I'LL KILL YOU, MAN,I'LL KILL YOU.

NOW I'M LIKE,OH, YOU THINK I'M 37?

FINE, I'M A QUEER, WHATEVER.

35, I'M A LITTLE PINK COWBOY.

OOH-OOH.

JUST-JUST...

YOU KNOW, I'VE BEEN OBSESSEDMY WHOLE LIFE

WITH STAYING IN SHAPEAND WORKING OUT AND EVERYTHING.

BUT I'M TELLING YOU I'M 40.

IN ANOTHER 40 YEARS I'LL BE 80.

THERE'S NO STOPPING IT.

I'M AT A CROSSROADS

AND I'M THINKING ABOUTMAYBE I SHOULD START DRINKING

AND EATING EVERYTHINGI WANT TO EAT.

'CAUSE YOU KNOW,WHEN YOU'RE 22--

OH, I HATE YOU.

I...LIKE WHEN YOU HURT SOMETHING

IT'S PROBABLY BECAUSEYOU DID SOMETHING, HUH?

( laughing )

I GOT THE FLUTHIS YEAR--

I STARTED COUGHING,I PULLED A MUSCLE.

( coughing )

I GO AND GET MY EYES CHECKED

AND I'VE ALWAYS HADAMAZING VISION--

REALLY GOOD VISION

AND I GO TO GET MY EYES CHECKED

AND THE DOCTOR SAYSONE EYE HAS GONE BAD.

HOW DOES ONE EYE GO BAD?

I DON'T REMEMBEROVERUSING ONE EYE.

YOU GUYS WANT TO PLAY SOME BALL?

LET'S PLAY SOME BALL.

NO, I'M SAVING THIS ONEUNTIL I'M 40.

WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

I DON'T MEAN TO SAY--I'M JUST KIDDING

'CAUSE I KNOW AT 22 YOU PROBABLYTHINK WE'RE GOING TO FIGHT.

JUST--

IS HE TALKING TO ME?

I'LL KICK HIS ASS.I'LL KILL HIM.

I'M JUST--I ENVY YOU.

22... I REMEMBER WHEN I WASDRIVING WHEN I WAS 22 YEARS OLD.

IF I HAD TO CHECK TRAFFIC

I'D JUST WHIP AROUND,CHECK TRAFFIC.

NOW I'M 40, I'VE NOTICEDI'M STARTING TO DO THIS:

UH... ALL RIGHT.

THAT'S AS FAR AS I CHECKRIGHT THERE.

YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?

WHEN I'M 70,I'M GOING TO BE THAT GUY...

I'M COMING IN.

( applause )

50-50 CHANCE THERE'S EITHERA CAR THERE

OR IT'S NOT-- I DON'T CARE.

KIND OF HOPING IT'S A TRUCK.

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