David Arnold - Not Going to Make It

  • Season 2 , Ep 2
  • 01/26/2012
  • Views: 736

David Arnold observes that married couples argue very differently from dating couples. (2:30)

PEOPLE ARE IN THE ROOM

IS THE YOUNG COUPLES.

I LOVE YA'LL.

'CAUSE YA'LL SMILIN'.

YOU HOLDIN' EACHOTHER'S HAND.

YOU GOT HOPE IN YOUR EYE.

'CAUSE YOU REALLY THINKYOU GONNA MAKE IT.

YOU NOT GONNA MAKE IT.

SOME OF YA'LL SITTIN' WITHSOMEBODY YOU KNOW YOU NOT

GONNA MAKE IT WITH, BUT YOUTHINK, "I'M PROBABLY NOT

"GONNA MAKE IT, BUT I'MGONNA DO THE BEST I CAN."

YOU KNOW WHAT IREALIZE BEING MARRIED?

THIS IS IT.

MARRIED PEOPLE DON'TEVEN ARGUE THE SAME

AS DATIN' PEOPLE DO.

ALL YA'LL LITTLE YOUNGPEOPLE THAT'S DATIN',

YA'LL ARGUE WITH FIRE, 'CAUSEIT'S ALL ABOUT WHO RIGHT.

"KISS MY ASS--YOU GO HELL!

"YOU MOTHER--"YA'LL DO ALL THAT.

I DON'T DO NONE OF THAT.

WHEN I GET INTO IT WITHMY WIFE, I MESS WITH HER MIND.

LAST TIME WE GOT INTO IT, ITOOK ONE OF ALL HER EARRINGS

AND THREW 'EM AWAY.

YOU KNOW HOWMUCH PLEASURE I GET

WATCHIN' HER LOOKFOR ANOTHER EARRING

THAT I KNOW SHE'SNEVER GOING TO FIND?

IT MAKES ME HAPPY,YOU UNDERSTAND?

SHE REALLYPISSED ME OFF.

I TOOK HER FAVORITE PAIROF JEANS TO THE TAILOR

AND HAD 'EM TAKE 'EMIN AN INCH.

SHE THINK SHEGAININ' WEIGHT.

SHE UP TO FIVE MILES A DAY--"I CAN'T GET IT OFF!"

"YOU A FAT BITCH--I TRIED TO TELL YA."

BUT I'M TRYIN' TO HOLDMY FAMILY TOGETHER.

I'M GONNA DO IT.

THIS HOLLYWOOD THING AIN'TGONNA TAKE IT FROM ME,

I TELL YOU THAT RIGHT NOW--I DON'T DO THE SIDE CHICK...

ANYMORE.

I DON'T DO THAT.

LET ME TELL YOU WHYI DON'T DO THAT.

I DON'T DO THAT BECAUSETHE REASON IS THE SIDE CHICK

DON'T KNOW HOW TOSTAY IN HER LANE.

YOU UNDERSTAND?

IF YOU GONNA BETHE SIDE CHICK,

YOU NEED TO UNDERSTANDTHERE'S RULES TO BEIN'

THE SIDE CHICK,ALL RIGHT?

RULE NUMBER ONE,YOU'RE NUMBER TWO.

THAT'S THE FIRST RULE.

[audience cheering]

RULE NUMBER TWO, ALLBIRTHDAYS AND HOLIDAYS

WILL BE CELEBRATED THE DAYBEFORE OR THE DAY AFTER.

THAT'S IT.

RULE NUMBER THREE, IF YOUFORGET YOU NUMBER TWO,

YOU REFER TO RULE NUMBER ONE,WHICH IS THAT YOU ARE...

- NUMBER TWO!- YOU ON YOUR GODDAMN WAY.

I'M TRYIN' TO HELP YOU.

AND THAT'S THE THING.

I KNOW WHO THE SIDE CHICKSARE, 'CAUSE YOU JUST BROKE

EYE CONTACT WITH ME--I KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

IF YOU GONNA BE A SIDE CHICK,COOL, BE A SIDE CHICK.

BUT DON'T STAY INTHAT ROLE TOO LONG,

'CAUSE IT MESSWITH YOUR MIND.

'CAUSE I DATED A CHICK WHOI KNEW HAD BEEN A SIDE CHICK.

I WAS GONNA TRY ANDMAKE HER MY MAIN CHICK.

SHE COULDN'TMAKE THE CONVERSION,

'CAUSE SHE SUFFERFROM SIDE BITCH SYNDROME.

YOU SEE WHAT I'M SAYIN'?

Loading...