Jon Dore - Old Garbage Pail

  • Season 14 , Ep 10
  • 01/11/2010
  • Views: 4,378

The garbage men refuse to pick up Jon Dore's old garbage pail that he's throwing out. (1:51)

WELL, YOU'RE PROBABLY WONDERINGHOW I LIVE MY LIFE.

I'LL TELL YOU --I HAVE TWO SIMPLE RULES

THAT GUIDE METHROUGH THIS WORLD.

NUMBER 1 -- I FOLLOW THE GOODWORD OF THE LORD JESUS CHRIST.

NUMBER 2 --

♪ I BANG AS MANY [BLEEP] BITCHESAS I CA-A-AN ♪

THAT'S IT. TWO RULES.

IT'S TWO RULES, YEAH.

I LIKE DRINKING...A LOT.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

LIKE, SOMETIMES I CAN'T TELL

IF I LOVE DRINKINGOR HATE MYSELF.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

I LIKE GETTING DRUNK AND EATING.

THAT'S ONE OFMY FAVORITE THINGS TO DO.

LAST TIME I WAS HOMEFOR THE HOLIDAYS,

I WAS REALLY DRUNK.

WHEN I GOT HOME, I THOUGHTIT WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA

TO TAKE A GIANT BITE OUTOF A BRICK OF BLUE CHEESE.

YOU KNOW,THE CHALKY WHITE CHEESE

WITH THE VEINS OF BLUE MOLD --YEAH.

TURNS OUT IT WASMY GRANDFATHER'S LEG.

[ AUDIENCE GROANS ]

"WHAT YOU DOINGIN THE FRIDGE, GRAMPS?

GET OUT."

I REMEMBER WHEN GRANDPA'S MEMORYSTARTED TO GO

WAS THE DAY I CAUGHT HIMURINATING WITH THE DOOR OPEN,

WHICH IS NOT A HUGE DEAL,

BUT IT'S ANNOYINGWHEN I'M TRYING TO DRIVE.

[ LAUGHTER ]

HAVE YOU EVER TRIED TO THROW OUT

AN OLD GARBAGE PAIL?

CAN'T BE DONE.

[ LAUGHTER ]

FOR THE LAST MONTH, I'VE HAD ITOUT THERE EVERY SINGLE WEEK,

AND THE GARBAGE MENDON'T GET IT.

I EVEN PUT A SIGN ON IT --"GARBAGE."

[ LAUGHTER ]

WHAT DO I GOT TO DO --PUT IT IN ANOTHER GARBAGE PAIL?

NO.

NOT GONNA DO THAT.

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