Veronica Mosey - Online Dating

Season 1, Ep 0101 08/31/2006 Views: 2,679

Online dating in New York City is the worst. (2:50)

I just got hit on bythe most disgusting guy

I've ever met in my entire life.

What I'm excited about is,I've come up with

a great wayto get out of it.

What I do is I just takeadvantage of my height.

I let the guy talk a little,

and then I just saysomething like...

( with deep voice ):"So, do you like surprises"?

( laughter )

( laughter and applause )

Thank you for laughingso hard at that.

That's great, thank you.

I don't know, I have a hard timemeeting people.

We got single people in thecrowd here? Single people?

( cheering )Yeah? Whoo!

Our lives suck.Okay, um...

Yeah, it's hard.

I've tried this on-line datingthing, and it's so weird.

The worst thingabout on-line dating is,

everybody putsthe same hobbies down.

You know what the most popularhobby in New York City is?

"Hiking and biking."

( laughter )

We live in New York;where the ( bleep ) do you hike?

( laughter, applause )

Are you, like, repelling downthe side of your building

in the morning?

Like, I don't getthis whole thing.

And then everybody likeslong walks on the beach.

"I like long walkson the beach."

Got to be a long walk,can't just be a walk,

has to be a long-ass walk.

( laughter )

You go to the beach right now,

there's like 50,000 peoplefrom eHarmony.

( laughter )

And they're just walking...

and walking...

and walking...

It's really sad--hurricane season takes out

like 13,000 members every year.

( laughter )

And the problem is, like, Ican't put my real hobbies down

because my real hobbiesare like,

"I like to go to dive bars,get drunk,

and make outwith Puerto Rican guys."

( laughter and cheering )

Ah... boricuas.

I don't know.

I don't mind if a guy wantsto be on-line just to get laid.

That's fine, just be honest.

Say, "I would liketo get laid," you know,

but I find guyswriting things like,

( with smoky voice ):"I'm tired of the bar scene."

( laughter )

"I'm just looking for somethingreal and substantial.

Here's a pictureof my ( bleep )."

( laughter )

This one guy put,

"I prefer womenwho like candlelight dinners."

He had to specify this.

"I prefer womenwho like candlelight dinners."

And I don't know a lot of women

who don likecandlelight dinners.

And I thought, maybe he hada bad experience.

You know, like,maybe he made the dinner,

and then he lit the candles...

and then she walked inand was like,

"What the ( bleep )?!"

( laughter )

"You said we were goinghiking and biking!"

( laughter )


Or maybe she was likea burn victim.

( laughter )