Ted Alexandro - Grammar School

  • Season 5 , Ep 7
  • 08/12/2001
  • Views: 10,279

Lining up in grammar school always took all day. (2:54)

SHOULD TAKE LIKE TWO SECOND.

TAKES ALL DAY.

RIGHT?

TEACHER'S LIKE, "WHEN I SEE A

TABLE THAT IS READY TO LINE UP,

I WILL CALL YOU.

THIS COULD TAKE AS LONG AS YOU

WOULD LIKE...

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

"EXCELLENT!

TABLE ONE, LINE UP.

AND TABLE ONE LOSES THEIR MINDS.

LIKE, "WHAAAAAAA!"

"TABLE ONE, SIT DOWN."

AHH, CRAP!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

RIGHT?

THEN THE OTHER TABLES WILL START

TO TRY TO BE EXTRA GOOD, RIGHT,

TO GET NOTICED THEN.

THEY'D BE LIKE...

(LAUGHTER)

TEACHER'S NOT SURE IF THEY'RE

CONSTIPATED OR WHAT'S GOING ON.

"TABLE FOUR, YOU BETTER LINE UP.

I DON'T THINK WE HAVE A (BLEEP)

FAIRY."

(LAUGHTER)

YOU BETTER LINE IT UP.

THIS COULD GET MESSY.

(APPLAUSE)

I WAS THINKING, YOU KNOW,

MY FAVORITE TEACHERS WERE ALWAYS

THE ART TEACHERS.

YOU KNOW?

I ALWAYS LOVED THE ART TEACHERS.

BECAUSE THEY WERE SO BIZARRE.

THEY WERE LIKE THE HOMELESS

PEOPLE OF THE FACULTY.

RIGHT?

ALL DISHEVELED, WEARING SMOCKS,

ALL COVERED IN PAINT...

ALWAYS LIKE DIGGING THROUGH

THE GARBAGE, LOOKING FOR

BOTTLES, AND EGG CARTONS AND

THINGS.

ALL DISORGANIZED, AND MAKING

ANNOUNCEMENTS WHEN YOU'RE ON

YOUR WAY OUT THE DOOR ALREADY.

PEOPLE!

PEOPLE!

LISTEN UP.

PEOPLE.

GET HIM.

PEOPLE.

IF ANY OF YOUR NEIGHBORS OR

RELATIVES HAVE ANY PAPER TOWEL

ROLLS, START BRINGING THEM IN.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

BRING 'EM IN.

BRING 'EM IN.

YEAH.

YEAH.

BRING 'EM IN.

WE'RE GOING TO BE MAKING VASES

FOR MOTHER'S DAY.

VASES?

THESE PEOPLE ARE FRIGGIN'

MACGYVER FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.

AN EGG CARTON BECOMES A BOUQUET

OF FLOWERS.

AND IT ALWAYS BACKFIRED ON ME

BECAUSE AROUND MOTHER'S DAY,

MY MOM WOULD GET ALL DEPRESSED

AND START YELLING AT US,

HOW WE WERE SELFISH, AND ONLY

THOUGHT OF OURSELVES.

WHICH ONLY MADE IT WORSE,

'CAUSE YOU HAD TO WHIP OUT

THE PAPER TOWEL ROLL,

LIKE "UH HUH"...

(LAUGHTER)

YOU WERE SAYING...?

AND I BELIEVE THIS PASTA

NECKLACE IS YOURS, TOO.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

I LOVE YOU, MA.

NOW PUT ON THE RIGATONI.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

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