Juston McKinney - EpiPen

  • Season 12 , Ep 16
  • 01/11/2008
  • Views: 117

I've gotta go from "afraid of needles" to EMT in five seconds. (1:37)

'CAUSE I NEVERBABYSAT MY WHOLE LIFE UNTIL2 MONTHS AGO, NEVER ONCE.

AND I DON'T KNOW IFANY OF YOU EVER BABYSAT.

I HAD TO BABY-SIT MYONE AND-A-HALF YEAR OLD NEPHEW.

MY SISTER-IN-LAW CALLS ME UP.SHE'S LIKE, "WILL YOU WATCH

"LITTLE BABY BRYCE FOR 4 HOURS?IT'LL BE REAL EASY.

I'LL BRING OVER A LIST OFINSTRUCTIONS AND HIS EPPY PEN."

[GROANING]

OH, SOME OF YOU KNOWWHAT AN EPPY PEN IS. YEAH.

IT'S A NEEDLE.HE MIGHT GO INTO SHOCK.

I GOTTA GIVE HIMA SHOT IN THE LEG.

SO, I GOTTA GO FROMAFRAID OF NEEDLES TO EMTIN FIVE FRICKIN' SECONDS.

HOW THE HELL DOES THAT HAPPEN?

YOU'RE BETTER OFF HAVING AHEROINE ADDICT WATCH THIS KID.

AT LEAST THEY KNOWHOW TO USE A NEEDLE.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

AND I LOVE THAT WORD BABY-SIT.I LOVE THE "SIT" PART.

AS IF SITTING IS INVOLVED.THIS LITTLE [BLEEP] DIDN'T SIT

- FOR 4 HOURS.- [LAUGHTER]

HE WALKED AROUND TOUCHINGEVERYTHING: DRAWERS, CUPBOARDS.

MY LEGS ARE BURNING AT HOUR TWO.

HE DOESN'T EVEN STOPTO POOP HIS DIAPER.

HE DOES IT MID STRIDE.IT HITS ME IN THE FACE.

JUST AS I'M TAKING IN A BREATH.I'M LIKE, "OH, MAN!"

I'M LIKE, "IS THIS KIDALLERGIC TO SLEEPING PILLS?

'CAUSE HE'S GONNA GO DOWN NOW.THIS BABY NEEDS-- NAP."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

AND GET THIS. MY SISTER-IN-LAWCALLS ME LATER THAT NIGHT.

SHE'S LIKE "YOU SHOULD SEE BABYBRYCE. HE'S SO SOUND ASLEEP."

YEAH, NO KIDDING.HE RAN A MARATHON TODAY.

I'D BE SLEEPING GOOD TOO,IF I RAN 25 MILES BAREFOOTWITH A LOAD IN MY PANTS.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

I'M EXCITED.BUT WE HAD TO HAVE A KID.

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