Megan Mooney - Bad Gift

  • Season 10 , Ep 9
  • 03/16/2006
  • Views: 14,358

Megan's friends don't know her. (1:30)

- "DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME?" - [LAUGHTER]

HAPPENED TO ME A COUPLE OF TIMES.

MY BROTHERBOUGHT ME ROLLER BLADES.HERE'S WHAT I DID.

AS I WAS OPENING IT UP, I WAS LIKE, "CALM DOWN, MEGAN,

MAYBE IT'S SOMETHING COOL IN A ROLLER BLADE BOX."

I MADE MY DISAPPOINTMENT MORE INTENSE.

THAT DIDN'T NEED TO HAPPEN. THEN I OPEN IT UP,

AND I WAS LIKE, "DOUBLE DONKEY PUNCH, THESE ARE ROLLER BLADES."

FIVE OF YOU ARE LAUGHING,BUT THE REST OF THE ROOM'S LIKE,

"WHY WOULD SHE PUNCH A PONY? I DON'T UNDERSTAND--"

MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS, NEW YORK.

I'M A LITTLEOVER-SENSITIVE TO SEXISM

AND I THINK IT'S BECAUSEI HAD A GRANDPA. YEAH.

I HAD A RAGING SEXIST GRANDPA.

AND I COULD ALWAYS TELL HE WAS SEXIST

BY THE CHRISTMAS GIFTSHE WOULD GET US,

'CAUSE HE WOULD BUY BULK GIFTS.

HE HAD A LOT OF GRANDCHILDREN,

SO ALL THE BOYSWOULD GET THE SAME GIFT

AND ALL THE GIRLSWOULD GET THE SAME GIFT.

SO, HE'D BE LIKE,"FELLAS, GATHER AROUND.

GRANDPA'S GOT YOUR CHRISTMAS GIFT."

AND THEY'RE ALL EXCITED.

AND HE HOLDS UP,"THIS IS A FOOTBALL, HUH, BOYS?"

AND TOSS IT TO ONE OF 'EM."YEAH, LEARN TO PLAY THIS SPORT.

LADIES LOVE AN ATHLETE." SLAP ONE OF 'EM ON THE ASS.

"MERRY CHRISTMAS, BOYS."AND THEY'RE LIKE, "YA!"

RIGHT? NOW IT'S OUR TURN. "GATHER 'ROUND, LADIES.

IT'S TIME FOR YOUR GIFT." AND WE'RE LIKE, "SWEET!"

AND HE'S LIKE "THIS HERE IS A TYPEWRITER." "WHAT?"

"YEAH, LEARN TO USE THIS. GET YOURSELF A SKILL,

"SO YOU CANLAND YOURSELF A HUSBAND."THERE'S MORE.

THIS IS A JUMP ROPE. NOBODYLIKES TO BANG A FAT SECRETARY."

[LAUGHTER, OH'S AND APPLAUSE]

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