Geoff Tate - Good Shape

Season 3, Ep 0304 06/09/2007 Views: 29,691

Geoff hasn't been to a gym since he graduated from gym. (2:57)

I haven't been to a gym sinceI graduated from gym. Yeah.

That was 15 years ago.

I'm on TV. I lost ten poundsjust so I'd look this fat.

That doesn't seem fair.

I look at myself, this is whatI want to look like,

so 15 pounds later,lots of sweatin'.

No, I didn't do any of that.

I ate a couple whole pizzas.Why not?

Yeah, I don't work out.

It's usually not a problem.

I'm not in great shape,but it's never an issue.

But sometimes when it is,it's an issue.

You know what I mean?Like, it comes up quick.

Bad timing. I hurt my legthe other night having sex.

My right one.My hamstring cramped up on me

right in the middle of it.

I was, like, "Uh! Ooh!Good God!

"What was that?


You get that, like, "Uh-oh,this doesn't usually happen."

I was trying to be nonchalantabout it, you know?

Stretch my leg out underthe covers, curl my toes.

"Please, work!"

Nothing worked,so I finally said out loud,

I was, like, "My leg hurts."

And then my wife goes, "Uh, whydon't you just get on top?"



What are you, new?

That's not gonna help,you know what I mean?

Now I'm just gonna embarrassmyself along with the leg cramp.

That's not gonna work.She knows that, too.

I'll get up there,she'll be, like,

"Why are your arms shaking?"

I bet if you thought about itfor a second,

you could solve this case,Nancy Drew.

It's all context clues.

You know what? Maybe it hassomething to do with the fact

that I weigh a quarter-of-a-thousand pounds, yeah.

And I've been doing a pushupfor 15 minutes.

I am not a superhero.

The only way this is gonna besuccessful is if I can rig up

a system of ropes and pulleysoff the ceiling.

Strap on some counterweightsand a hand crank

and then a full-body harness,you know?

Like a fat hammock, like whenyou're trying to put a whale

onto a boat. One of those?

And then slowly lower myselfdown from the ceiling...

like I'm Tom Cruise...

in Missionary Impossible.