- Joe looks like he would ordersoup at a sports bar.
- Alex is so ugly,when he goes to a glory hole,
the guy on the other sidewants to just be friends.
- Joe never buys lube.
He still has a full bucketof his parents' tears
from when he came outas a gay comedian.
- Alex is an actor.He was on Nickelodeon
playing a ninja, and in a silentmovie playing the moon.
[laughter]- Last joke!
- Wow, Joe, I knowhomosexuality isn't a choice,
but stand-up is, and maybeyou should stop.
- Oh, all right.
[laughter][gunshot sound effect]
You know, I'd call Alexa douche bag,
but a douche bagcan hold moisture.
[air horn blaring]
- That's it!Round one!
First match:Joe Dosch, Alex Hooper!
- They came out firing,and um,
I think Alex did, uh,a great job.
I have to pick Alex.
- That's one for Alex.
- Uh, I'm into presentation,
and Alex came outwith a double mask,
which is hard to pull off,but, uh...
[laughter]I gotta go with Joe.
- That's ballsy.- Joe, I'll give you the--
I'll give you the win.- Thank you.
- Hey! All right.
- One Alex.One Joe.
- You're a fucking weirdo,
and that's very obviousjust by looking at you.
- Oh, I know.- Okay.
- Oh, I know.- I gotta go with Alex.
- All right.
- Alex fucking never wins.Uh...
- What?- Never.
- Wait, wait, wait.- [laughs]
- No, I meant in life.- Yeah.
- I'll say this:Alex,
you really should becomplimented tonight,
you should be proud 'cause youreally did beat one of the best.
Congratulations.- Oh, man!
Hug each other.
- Frankly, I don't carethat I lost,
'cause we put onsuch a great show,
which is a thing that loserssay, but yeah,
I was really, really happywith what we did.
- Keep it going!
- I spent so much timethinking about you,
and it's been a pleasure, man.
- Oh, I know.- It's been a fucking pleasure.
- Now's the time for healing.- Right?