R&B Sex Is Not Real Sex

Really Real R&B Season 1, Ep 13 06/21/2016 Views: 1,613

On the next Not Safe, Nikki debunks the myth that real sex should be anything like the way it looks in R&B videos, Tuesday at 10:30/9:30c. (2:14)

(audience applauds)

(heavy bass music)

- We all know that the sexiest genre of music is R , B.

Well, except for the Cars for Kids jingle.

♪ 1-877-CARS FOR KIDS

Oh God, that sounds like the song I lost my virginity to.

(audience laughs)

'Cause it is.

(audience laughs)

(laughs) What?

Okay but the problemis, the sex and romance

portrayed in R , B videos is pretty ridiculous.

Like, sex in a hot tub?

That's not a Jacuzzi, that's just Biggie's cereal bowl.

(audience laughs)

That's too soon, here's a fun fact.

The average pool goer has 1/10thof one gram of fecal matter

in their ass crack.

Yes, I know!

So do the math, if 10 people have been in that hot tub,

that's two tablespoons of poop in there.

I know! Hot tubs are not for fucking.

They're for arthritic seniors and mob bosses, okay?

(audience laughs)

Yeah, and how about rose petals on a bed?

Like, who wants to fuck on a bunch of rose petals?

They're gonna get in my ass crack

and that's where I store 1/10th of my fecal matter.

(audience laughs)

I've got an idea, how 'bout you save up

your rose petal money and buy a shirt!

(audience laughs)

Like Chris Brown here, what are you doing?

Was that jacket the only thing you saved

from a sexy house fire?

(audience laughs)

Actually, if you look carefully enough,

under that blazer is a wife beater.

(audience laughs)

(audience applauds)

Oh, yes, I did, yes, I did!

I hate him.

Finally, lighting a couple of candles to enhance the mood

can be great, but in R , B videos, they take it way too far.

Like, what is going on here?

Are you a shareholder of Things Remembered?

Like, by the way, that's how sexy house fires start.

Real people don't have sex like they do in R , B songs.

Real sex is messy, awkward and disgusting

if you're doing it right.

This week on Not Safe we bring in superstar Omarion

to give regular dudes' sex stories the R , B treatment.

Tune in Tuesday at 10:30 pmwhen we drop our hot new track.

Sorry I said drop, I'm white.

(heavy bass music)

(audience applauds)

(upbeat digital music)