Mike Sweeney - New Kids

Paul Mooney & Mike Sweeney Season 1, Ep 0156 02/24/1992 Views: 926

Keith Richards is not attractive to a 10-year-old. (1:46)

HOW MANY MORE CABLE STATIONSWILL THERE BE?

COMEDY CENTRAL,OF COURSE, IS GOOD.

BUT I WANT TO MAKE UP MYOWN STUPID IDEAS, YOU KNOW

FOR CABLE CHANNELS.

YOU KNOW WHAT I'D LIKE TO SEE?

HOW ABOUT THE 24-HOUR

7-ELEVEN SURVEILLANCECAMERA CHANNEL?

( cheering )

JUST PEOPLE SQUEEZING TWINKIESFROM AROUND THE NATION.

HAVE A FAMILY FEUD CHANNEL,THAT WOULD BE GOOD.

THAT SHOW... THEY HAVE RUNOUT OF FAMILIES ON THAT SHOW.

I WATCHED A MONTH AGO.

THEY HAD A VERY NICEFAMILY ON FROM PAKISTAN

BUT THEY'D ONLY BEENLIVING IN AMERICA A YEAR.

YOU COULD TELL THEY RUSHEDGOING ON THE SHOW.

"OKAY, TOP FIVE REASONS ONOUR BOARD COUPLES BREAK UP."

( imitates buzzer )

"FLOODS?"

( laughter )

Man:GOOD ANSWER.

YEAH, GOOD ANSWER.

WELL, THEY'RE HERE NOW.

OKAY, GOOD.

YEAH, GREAT.

YEAH, I CAN'T EVENWATCH MTV ANYMORE.

I WAS WATCHING... OH, I WATCHEDMTV NEWS THE OTHER NIGHT.

HARD-HITTING NEWS ITEM:

THE NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCKLIP-SYNCHING.

WHO GIVES A DAMN?

THAT'S LIKE FINDING OUT

THE MUPPETS DIDN'T SINGTHEIR OWN MUSIC.

( applause )

YOU KNOW WHY THE NEW KIDSWERE EVER POPULAR?

WHO ELSE CAN A TEN-YEAR-OLDGIRL HAVE A CRUSH ON?

BECAUSE THE ROCK STARS,THEY'RE GETTING UP THERE.

I MEAN, WHAT'S A GIRLGOING TO SAY?

"OH, KEITH RICHARDSLOOKS SO HOT.

"HE'S GOT A NEW CREASEDOWN THE MIDDLE OF HIS FACE.

"AH, AH, AH, AH, AH, AH, AH.

OH, HOLD ME BACK."