Ryan Hamilton - White Chris Rock

Kindler, Hamilton, Ray, Schumer, Gutmann, Sharpe, Mason Season 2, Ep 3 06/28/2007 Views: 9,970

Get your stare on. (2:52)

like a white Chris Rock.

Do you think that's true?Look at that. Come on.


Get your stare on, everybody.Look at me. Yes.

I'm not talkingabout white people.

I'm talking about crackers!

Yeah, I'm like the illegitimateson of Jerry and Elaine.

Look at me. Look at this.

Come on. Yeah.

You laugh.I have to live like this.

Yeah. Not that cool.

I was reading in oneof those men's magazines--

I think it was Oprah--

and it said...Whatever! You don't know me.

You have no idea.

Said if you're not involved

in one of theseonline dating services,

you're just going to get leftbehind socially, you know?

I'm not afraidto try something new. I'm not.

I signed up.

Changed my life.

I went from feelingpretty good about myself

to feeling like a leperalone in a room, typing.

"I like the outdoors, too.

"My favorite color is gray.


Some technology is great though.

I love my cell phone.

You know, not only canI communicate mobilely,

but it sucks all the greaseright off my face.

Have you seen that? Yeah!

Every time I get offthe phone, I'm, like,

is there Crisco in my ear?

This is disgusting, you know?

I need to clean my phone, butI don't. It's gross. I don't.

I just rub it on my pants.That's what I do.

Oh, you do it, too!

You do it, too!You rub it on your pants!

In between the text messages,you're rubbing it on your pants.

Yeah, I'm still here.

I'm exfoliating. How are you?

Yeah, I'm cleansing.

Have you ever metone of those people

who is just completely immuneto depression?

"How can you be depressed, Ryan,when the sun is shining

and the birds are singing?"

Really? It's pretty easy.

You know what I do?I pick up a newspaper. Yeah.

Tells me the sun's eventuallygoing to kill us all.

Those pretty birds you likeso much? They have the flu.

Yeah. And it's contagious.

Have a nice day.

Then I give them a heel click.

That's what I do.

Listen, it's not very often

that you see sarcasmin a heel click, all right?

Right here.

Lot of peoplewon't attempt that.

I have a strong core,so it's fine.

You don't know me.You have no idea!

You don't knowwhat's under here.