Uncensored - Neal Brennan - Best Funeral Ever Pt. 1

Neal Brennan: Women and Black Dudes Season 1, Ep 101 01/18/2014 Views: 4,730

Just in case his kids end up being total d**ks, Neal Brennan has a plan. (1:39)

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Brennan: WHICH BRINGS METO MITT ROMNEY.

DOESN'T HE FEELLIKE A WEIRD-ASS,

LIKE, '80s MOVIE-DAD DREAMWE ALL HAD OF HIM?

[ LAUGHTER ]

THING ABOUT ROMNEY --SUPER RICH DUDE.

THAT'S THE THING.

EVERYBODYWANTS TO BE SUPER RICH,

BUT HERE'SWHAT YOU DON'T THINK ABOUT.

IF YOU EVER GET SUPER RICHAND THEN YOU HAVE KIDS,

THERE'S LIKE A 98% CHANCE

THAT YOUR KIDSARE GONNA BE DICKHEADS.

[ LAUGHTER ]

AND THEN YOU START TO GET OLDERAND DYING,

AND THEN THEY'RE GROWN UP,WEARING YACHTING OUTFITS,

JUST WAITING FOR YOU TO CROAKSO THEY CAN SPEND YOUR MONEY

ON COCAINE AND BOATS AND SHIT.

IF I EVER GET SUPER RICHAND IF I HAVE KIDS, LIKE,

IF THEY'RE NICE, I'LL LEAVE THEMMONEY IN MY WILL,

BUT IF THEY'RE DICKHEADS,I GOT A WHOLE NOTHER PLAN.

HEAR ME OUT. ALL RIGHT.

HERE'S WHAT I'M GONNA DO.

I'M GONNA GATHER MY KIDSAROUND MY DEATHBED.

I'M GONNA BE LIKE, "LOOK, KIDS,

"I'M GONNA PAYFOR MY OWN FUNERAL.

"WHATEVER'S LEFT OVER,

YOU KIDS CAN SPLIT UPAMONGST YOURSELVES."

AND THEN I'M GONNA HAVETHE MOST EXPENSIVE FUNERAL...

[ LAUGHTER ]

...IN THE HISTORY OF DEATH.

[ LAUGHTER ]

I'M GONNA HAVE, LIKE,A PLATINUM CASKET,

MY NAME WRITTEN IN DIAMONDSON THE SIDE.

MY SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBERBENEATH IT, TOO,

'CAUSE FUCK IT.

I'M DEAD NOW.WHAT ARE THEY GONNA DO WITH IT?

OPEN CASKET.

I'M GONNA BUYALL KINDS OF MOVIE PROPS

AND DEMAND TO BE BURIED IN THEM.

I'M WEARING HUMPHREY BOGART'SHAT FROM "CASABLANCA...

[ LAUGHTER ]

...DARTH VADER'S CAPE.

I GOT INDIANA JONES' WHIPIN MY RIGHT HAND...

[ LAUGHTER ]

...JIMI HENDRIX'S GUITARFROM WOODSTOCK IN MY LEFT.

I'M WEARINGROCKY'S BOXING TRUNKS.

I GOTDOROTHY'S RUBY-RED SLIPPERS ON

FROM "THE WIZARD OF OZ."

[ LAUGHTER ]