Fred Stoller - College Graduate

Fred Stoller & Roger Rittenhouse Season 1, Ep 0154 02/24/1992 Views: 1,684

Fred can say he's a college graduate. (1:56)

DURING THE '60s, I WAS A LITTLEKID, SHE WAS A TEENAGER.

SHE WENT THROUGH A PHASE

WHERE SHE WOULD EXPERIMENTWITH DRUGS.

SHE'D TAKE A BUNCH OF PILLS,GO, "I WONDER WHAT THESE DO?"

AND SHE'D SHOVE THEMIN MY MOUTH.

( laughter )

MY MOTHER, SHE FREAKS OUTBECAUSE I QUIT COLLEGE.

SHE'S ALWAYS GOING,"WHEN WILL YOU GET YOUR DEGREE?"

I GO, "WHAT WILL IT DO FOR ME?"

SHE GOES, "YOU'LL BE ABLE TO SAYYOU'RE A COLLEGE GRADUATE."

WHAT, LIKE I'M NOT ABLETO SAY IT NOW?

( laughter )

WHAT, LIKE I TRY, I GO,"I'M A CACKY GAGUATE?"

( laughter )

"I'M A COLLEGE GAGAGUA."

( laughter )

"DAMN, FOUR CREDITS SHORT,I ALMOST HAD IT!"

( laughter )

ALSO, MY MOTHER HASTHIS EXPRESSION.

SHE ALWAYS GOES "AGAIN."

"AGAIN WITH THE TV ON.

"AGAIN WITH THE EATING.

AGAIN WITH THE FEETAT THE END OF THE LEGS."

WORST, I WAS STUCKON A CROSS-COUNTRY TRIP:

"AGAIN WITH THE FILLING UPFOR GAS."

I WAS EATING A HERSHEY BAR--

"AGAIN WITH EATINGBETWEEN MEALS.

THEY'RE GOING TO RUINYOUR APPETITE."

LIKE IT'S NEVER GOING TO WORK.

WHEN I'D BE GROWN UP:"I DON'T WANT TO EAT.

"AS A KID I ATE A HERSHEY BARAND THAT RUINED MY APPETITE.

I JUST GET FEDINTRAVENOUSLY NOW."

THE WAY SHE FREAKS OUT--SHE SEES ME EATING A HERSHEY BAR

SHE GOES, "WHERE DIDYOU GET THAT?"

WHERE DID I GET IT--LIKE I'M A JUNKIE.

( laughter )

AND MY CONNECTION SET ME UPIN MINNEAPOLIS.

( laughter )

I'M GOING TO BE IN SEATTLEIN FIVE HOURS.

YOU GOT SOME CHUNKIES?

AND SOME JUJYFRUITS?

DO YOU KNOW WHAT JUJYFRUITSARE, BY THE WAY?

THOSE CANDIES,THEY GET STUCK IN YOUR TEETH

TRY PULLING THEM OUT,THEY DON'T COME OUT.

YOU HAVE TO TAKEANOTHER JUJYFRUIT

AND SEND HIM INTO RESCUE THE OTHER GUY.

( laughter )

IT'S LIKE "COMMANDO JUJYFRUIT."

SOME OF YOU DO THAT--I DON'T KNOW.