Wayne Federman - Problems with Driving

  • Season 7 , Ep 25
  • 08/14/2003
  • Views: 2,116

The car pool lanes are unfair to people with no friends. (2:24)

EVERYTHING YOU HAVE ON YOUR CAR

HAS A VERY SPECIFIC FUNCTION

WITH THE EXCEPTION OF ONE THING:

THE INSTRUMENT PANEL DIMMER

SWITCH.

WHY WAS THIS INVENTED?

ARE PEOPLE'S EYES TOO SENSITIVE

FOR THE 5-WATT BULB BEHIND

THE SPEEDOMETER?

IT'S LIKE, "OH, DON'T WORRY

ABOUT THOSE ONCOMING HEADLIGHTS,

BUT THIS ODOMETER LIGHT IS--

IT'S BURNING MY RETINA.

I CAN'T--

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

IS THERE ANY WAY WE CAN TURN

THIS DOWN?

IS IT-- OH, OH, OH, OH, YEAH,

THAT'S MUCH BETTER."

AND I DON'T KNOW IF

YOU KNOW THIS, IF YOU GO

ALL THE WAY, GUESS WHAT HAPPENS?

OFF.

YOU CAN TURN OFF YOUR ABILITY

TO READ ANYTHING THERE.

ARE PEOPLE DEVELOPING FILM

IN THE FRONT SEAT OF THEIR CAR?

I THINK IT'S FOR PEOPLE WHO

JUST WANNA DRIVE BY INSTINCT.

LIKE, YEAH, YOU GET PULLED OVER.

IT'S GREAT.

"DO YOU KNOW HOW FAST YOU WERE

GOING?"

"AH, YOU'RE NOT GONNA BELIEVE

THIS OFFICER, I DON'T EVEN KNOW

HOW MUCH (BLEEP) GAS I GOT IN

THIS CAR.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

[CHEERS AND WHISTLES]

AS A MATTER OF FACT,

YOU WERE BEHIND ME,

HOW FAST WAS I GOING?"

[LAUGHTER]

EVERY TOWN I PLAY HAS THE

CARPOOL LANE.

SOME PEOPLE CALL IT THE

DIAMOND LANE, THE HIGH-OCCUPANCY

VEHICLE LANE ON THE FREEWAY.

I CALL IT IMMORAL.

IMMORAL BECAUSE IT

DISCRIMINATES, AND

DISCRIMINATION IS WRONG.

THE CARPOOL LANE DISCRIMINATES

AGAINST THE LONELY.

[LAUGHTER]

THESE PEOPLE, THROUGH NO FAULT

OF THEIR OWN, DON'T HAVE THE

SOCIAL SKILLS TO MAKE FRIENDS.

OKAY.

IT'S UNFORTUNATE, BUT WHAT

DO WE DO AS A SOCIETY?

WE PUSH 'EM OFF TO THE RIGHT

IN THIS VEHICULAR APARTHEID

WHILE THEY SIT ISOLATED

IN THEIR LOSER-MOBILES FORCED

TO WATCH THE POPULAR PEOPLE

WHIZ BY THEM.

IT'S MEAN.

MEAN SPIRITED.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THE BALCONY.

I SEE YA!

I SEE YA.

THOSE ARE MY PEOPLE.

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