Mike Lawrence - In a Relationship

Mike Lawrence, Andy Zaltzman, Kurt Braunohler, David O'Doherty Season 3, Ep 4 08/10/2012 Views: 12,159

Mike Lawrence points out that some Ponzi schemes only have one victim. (1:53)


And I got in my first fight theother day with my girlfriend

'cause I've been on the road.

I make roads for a living.

And she was like, "I feel likeyou're gonna go out there and

"you're gonna find someone elseand you're gonna leave me."

And it's tough, you know,

'cause there's no polite way tosit a girl down to be like,

"listen, honey, no one else isdumb enough to [bleep] me."

"Some ponzi schemesonly have one victim."


'Cause I spent yearstrying to find women.

You know, some people dophone sex.

I used to do instantmessaging sex which could be

fun but frustrating 'cause agirl would be like,

"harder, [bleep] me harder!"

And I'm just like, "but I'malready typing in all caps.

"What more do you want from me?"

I used to hit on drunkchicks at the club.

It's pronounced "cluuub" whenit's predatory.

And I was always trying tofigure out when it was

appropriate to hit on adrunk chick at the club

and I finally got it.

It's when a girllooks like this...

you know, when she looks likea guy from Mortal Kombat and

he's about to get afatality performed on him.

And I'm just like, "get overhere!"