Chris Distefano - No "R" Balance

Chris Distefano Season 3, Ep 1 06/06/2014 Views: 17,475

Being from New York, Chris Distefano knows that he has a thick accent, but it's nowhere near as thick as his father's. (2:39)

But, you know, Dad... my Dad's around. That's good.

My Dad's like, you know,

he's older now, he's a friend,you know?

It's good, it's's helpful.

You know, we're bothfrom New York, you know.

We have these accents.Like, I can't hide it.

(someone applauds)Okay, one lady.

She's got... you got balls,doing that in Boston.

Good for you. Yeah.

Good.(man boos)

No, shut up.

Come on.

Now, you know, we got it,I can't hide it.

You know, there's nothingI could ever do.

We got... it's, like, bad.

We don't pronounce the "R"s,you know?

That's what I've noticed.

It's not "New York."

It's "New Yok."

Skip the "R," always.

But my dad, I said, he's getting older.

He's adding "R"s into wordsthat don't need "R"s.

There's no "R" balancein this guy's life at all.

He never figured it out.

First it was no "R"s, now it'stoo many "R"s. I don't...

Like, he goes to the doctorthe other day.

I was like, "How was it?"

He goes, like, "How was it?

Told me I got full-blowndiabetres."

I said, "Uh, scientrifically,what does that mean?

"You need me to get on Groogle?

"I know Groogle.

"Well, groogle.crom.

"What am I, dumb?

I know groogle.crom?"

And he always has the wrong wordfor what he's talking about.

Like, it's close,

it's close, but it's 100%the wrong word

that means somethingtotally different.

"Yeah, the doc saidthe cartridge in my knee,

"it's no good.

"You know, the cartridge?

In your knee?"

"You mean cartilage?

"What is your knee,a frickin' printer?

"What are you talking about?

Does your knee ink?"

"It's the cartridge,it's in the knee?

"You get it at Staples?It's no good.

"It don't print.The knee don't print.

"Doc said I gotta geton that eucalyptus machine.

Ever do eucalyptus?"

"You mean the elliptical?

"What, are you workingwith koala bears?

"What are you talking about?

Is this Australia?"

"Rotary cuff, too,in the shoulder.

"The rotary cuff, it clicks.

It's in the shoulder."

"What, is your shoulder a phonefrom 1968?

It's 'rotator.'"

You guys just learned that, too,holy shit. Okay.

That's what happened there.

Don't try to pull oneover on me, Boston.

I know you... no.

"It's not rotary?

"I don't get this one.

"No, it makes sense,'cause it's...

"Shut up!

How did he know that?"