Chris D'Elia - You Smell Like Peaches Pt. 1

Chris D'Elia: White Male. Black Comic. Season 1, Ep 101 11/20/2013 Views: 35,839

Chris D'Elia witnesses a very comfortable man use unconventional methods to pick up a woman. (2:26)

Watch Full Episode

YO, YOU EVER HEARD A BLACK DUDEGO LIKE THIS TO A GIRL?

[ LAUGHS ]I HEARD THIS ONCE.

A BLACK DUDE GOES LIKE THIS."YO, MA, YOU'RE LOOKING STUPID."

[ LAUGHTER ]

THAT'S ONLY RUDE!THAT'S ONLY RUDE!

THEN THEY'D BE LIKE,"YO, MA, YOU'RE DUMB.

"YEAH! LIKE, YO,YOUR FACE LOOK PRETTY.

"IN THIS AREA, YOU LOOK GREAT,

"BUT BEHIND THAT,IN YOUR BRAIN AREA,

"AIN'T NOTHING GOING ON AT ALL!

"LIKE, STRAIGHT UP,YOU LOOK BAD AT MATH.

"YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

LIKE, YO, ACADEMICALLY,YOU'RE ATROCIOUS, MAN!"

"OH, MY GOD, I WANT YOU TO MEETMY FAMILY RIGHT NOW.

THIS IS THE ONE."

[ LAUGHTER ]

OKAY, HERE'SHOW I CAME UP WITH THAT BIT.

THIS IS GREAT, MAN.

I WAS HANGING OUT.I WAS SITTING DOWN.

I WAS RIGHT HERE, OKAY?

AND I SAW A BLACK DUDESITTING DOWN RIGHT HERE.

I WAS RIGHT THERE.HE WAS RIGHT HERE.

THIS GIRL HE WAS TALKING TOWAS STANDING UP, OKAY?

THIS DUDE WAS LIKE,

"YEAH, I'LL JUST STAY SEATEDAND STILL LACE THIS UP.

"YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?I'M GONNA KEEP COMFY.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?LIKE, I'M GONNA KEEP IT DOWN."

LIKE, YO, HE WAS SO,"YO, I'M COMF--"

HE WAS SO COMFORTABLE,LIKE [LAUGHS]

HE WAS SO COMFORTABLE,HE WAS UNCOMFORTABLE.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?LIKE, THIS IS...

LIKE, IN MY HEAD, HIS OWN FINGERWAS IN HIS EYEBALL

JUST LIKE, "YEAH, IT HURT.

I FEEL DISCOMFORT,BUT WHATEVER."

[ LAUGHTER ]

[ LAUGHS ]

IN THE MIDDLE OF HER TALKING,THIS DUDE GOES LIKE THIS.

"Shh!"

YO, THIS GIRLHAD NO IDEA HOW TO REACT.

THIS GIRL WAS LIKEA 9 OR SOMETHING,

AND HER WHOLE BODY REBOOTED.

HE GOES, "Shh!"SHE GOES, "UHH!"

AND I'M RIGHT HERE,AND I'M LIKE, "OH, DAMN."

[ LAUGHTER ]

HE STAYS IN THE POCKET, THOUGH.

IT'S ALL AWKWARD,AND HE'S STAYING IN THE POCKET,

AND THIS IS WHAT HE SAYS TO HER.

"YO, MA, STRAIGHT UP,YOU SMELL LIKE PEACHES."

[ LAUGHTER ]

YO, THAT WASN'TTHE BEST PART AT ALL.

THE BEST PART WAS, AFTER THAT,

HE STAYED IN THE POCKETFOR ANOTHER BEAT

AND SAID, "FOR REAL."

[ LAUGHTER ]

YO, OBVIOUSLY,FOR REAL, YOU KNOW?

NOBODY WOULD SAYSOME WACKY THING LIKE THAT

UNLESS IT'S 100% THE TRUTH.

OTHERWISE,YOU'RE JUST A RAVING LUNATIC!

COULD YOU IMAGINE JUST, "YO, MA,YOU SMELL LIKE PEACHES."

"REALLY?"

"NO, I JUST SAY CRAZY THINGS."

[ LAUGHTER ]

"I WAS WATCHING 'JAMESAND THE GIANT PEACH' TODAY.

IT'S STILL ON MY MIND.BYE!"

[ LAUGHTER ]