I, uh, I just ended thisthree-year relationship
with this guy from Iowa.
The reason we broke upis he won't leave Iowa.
I live here.
He's standing in Iowagoing, Liz, Iowa.
And I'm losing to Iowa.
Do you understand this?
This corn-shucking soyboy refuses to leave Iowa.
Are you people understandingwhat I'm telling you?
Is he in some delusional state?
He thinks he's Kevin Costner,he's gonna plow a field?
I don't know, build"Catch a Rising Farmer."
No, I'm never going there, pal.
So that's my life in a nutshell.
It's very upsetting.
I don't know,relationships are tough.
I-- I don't think womenand men belong together.
If you think about it,it doesn't really work,
because women andmen don't bond.
They don't have that.
But men don't bondwith each other.
Is there male bonding?
Do guys get together atlunch and go, "You know,
Bill, I just can't feel."
Men bond through sports.
And it's amazing.
Have you ever been in aroom with about nine guys
watching a football game on TV?
They're high-fivingeach other like they
somehow helped with the play?
Yes, you were instrumentalwith your hand
in that bag of Cheetos.
I can't believe it!
And it's usually theguys that were really
lame in high schoolthat act this one.
Like they couldn'tget past JV football,
so it's my cross to bear forthe rest of my life as a woman.
'Cause women get overtheir pasts, don't they?
You don't see a bunch of womenthat were involved in ballet up
until eighth grade watchingit on TV now, freaking out.
"Man, did that pirouette suck!
Did you see that?
Nice plie, you loser!"
No, we get over our stuff.
And just finding peopleto meet-- I mean,
I live here in LA.
I'm having a hard time here.
People are-- theydon't read here.
Have you noticed that?
You ever talk to people?
They don't read the paper.
I mean, I was at abouta couple weeks ago,
talking to this guyabout the Gaza Strip.
He thought it was theadhesive side of a maxi-pad.
So what happens is, you kind oftry to weed through the idiots
and the psychos to find,like, the most normal one.
And that's what happens.
I was dating a ZenBuddhist for a while.
Do you know these Zen people?
They worship Buddha,their god, the ashtray.
And this whole Zen, with thething-- I just don't get it,
I'm from Minnesota, theLutheran police state.
You know, we just don'tdo this around there.
So this guy's into thiswhole Zen karma thing,
and he's said,"You know, Liz, you
really need to find your center.
You really need tofind your center."
And I'm thinking, no,you find my center.
That's why I'mgoing out with you.