Garfunkel and Oates - The Loophole - Uncensored

The One with the Travel Stories Season 1, Ep 4 08/14/2014 Views: 12,945

Garfunkel and Oates use music to explain why they're thankful that the Bible has a few sexual loopholes. (2:27)

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Do what my mom and dadand God say I should.

Go to church and Bible school,to live by God's rule.

So whatever people tell me,that the Bible tells me...

I will do.

Walk the halls of high schoolwith my purity ring.

Unlike those other girls,I got my morals in check.

It was easy to do,until I got a boyfriend...

and pardon my French,but he's cute as heck.

But I made a pact to keepmy hymen intact...

and Jesus and I are tight.

I've learned aboutthe birds and bees.

I was taught to keep an aspirinin between my knees.

'Cause the Bible sayspremarital sex is wrong.

But Jason says that guyscan't wait that long.

I don't want to lose himto someone who'll do him.

I need to figure something out.

Well, there's a loopholein the Scripture that worksreally well.

So I can get him offwithout going to Hell.

It's my Hail Mary,full of grace.

In Jesus' namewe go to fifth base.

Oh, thank youfor making me holy.

And thank you for giving meholes to choose from.

And since I'm not a God-lesswhore, he'll have to comein the back door.

Therefore fuck me in the ass,'cause I love Jesus.

The good lord wouldwant it that way.

Give him that sweet sensationof a throbbing rationalization.

It's just between you and me.

'Cause everyone knows it'sthe sex that God can't see.

Oh, there's more.

There's about two and a halfmore minutes to this song.

Now I'm praying to the powerthat's the highest.

But of all of my holes,this one's the driest.

But we can't procreateif we anally copulate.

And God's okay with sodomy,but only if you're straight.

And I'm staying hereno matter what.

So I'm okaywith everything but--

Everything but--everything but--

Whoa, fuck me in the ass,'cause I love Jesus.

The good lordwould want it that way.

Give me that sweet sensation ofan irrational rationalization.

It's just between you and me.

'Cause everyone knows it's thesex that God can't see.

Yeah, my chastity belthas locks...

but sometimes you needto think outside the box.