Louis C.K. - New York City Subway

Season 5 , Ep 10 09/03/01 Views: 74,540

Louis C.K. has learned the hard way that New York City subway maps are meaningless. (2:07)

THANK YOU.

ALL RIGHT.

HELLO, EVERYBODY.

HOW ARE YOU?

YOU'RE WELL?

GOOD.

NICE TO BE HERE IN NEW YORK.

I ACTUALLY TOOK THE SUBWAY HERE.

I HAD TO GO TO THE BRONX FIRSTTHOUGH BECAUSE THE TRAIN DECIDED

I HAD SOME STUFF TO DO THEREI DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT IT.

BUT, AH...

I'VE BEEN LIVING IN THE CITYFIFTEEN YEARS I HAVE NO IDEA

WHERE THE TRAIN IS GOING.

I NEVER KNOW.

YOU CAN'T GO BY THE DOT ON THESIDE BECAUSE THAT'S MEANINGLESS.

THEY CHANGE IT.

YOU GET ON.

THE GUY'S LIKE "THIS ISTHE B TRAIN BUT WE'RE NOT MAKING

LOCAL STOPS AND WE DON'T WHEREWE'RE GOING SO JUST GET THE HELL

OFF THE TRAIN!

EVERYBODY OFF THE TRAIN!

THIS IS NO LONGER A TRAIN!"(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

EVERYBODY GETS OFF AND THENWATCHES IT LEAVE.

"WHAT HAPPENED?

I HAD A SEAT.

THIS IS BULL (BLEEP), MAN."

(LAUGHTER)IT'S THE WORST.

NO THE WORST THING IS WHEN THETRAIN GOES EXPRESS ON A WHIM,

LIKE MID-RIDE.

THEY DECIDE, LET'S NOT STOP.

WHY ARE WE STOPPING?

LET'S JUST GO.

AND LET'S NOT TELL THEM EITHER.

OR LET'S TELL THEM AS THE DOORSARE CLOSING.

THAT'S WHEN THEY TELL YOU.

IT'S SADISTIC.

"NEXT STOP 205th STREET".

(SOUND OF DOOR SLAMMING)DAMN IT!

THE WORST THING IS YOU CAN'TREALLY REACT, YOU KNOW.

I'M ON A ROCKET TO THE BRONX.

I CAN'T GO, "OH MY GOD!

SOMEBODY HELP ME!

I DON'T BELONG ON THIS TRAIN!

THAT'S NOT MY AREA UP THERE."

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)YOU CAN'T DO THAT.

YOU GOTTA GO, "HEY THE BRONX.

THIS IS GREAT."

WHEN YOU GET THERE YOU GOTTA GETOUT LIKE, "ALL RIGHT, I'M HOME.

YEAH.

GOOD TO BE BACK ON 6 TRILLIONTHSTREET."

(LAUGHTER)

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