Louis C.K. - New York City Subway

  • Season 5 , Ep 10
  • 09/02/2001
  • Views: 65,586

Louis C.K can't figure out the New York City subways. (2:07)

THANK YOU.

ALL RIGHT.

HELLO, EVERYBODY.

HOW ARE YOU?

YOU'RE WELL?

GOOD.

NICE TO BE HERE IN NEW YORK.

I ACTUALLY TOOK THE SUBWAY HERE.

I HAD TO GO TO THE BRONX FIRST

THOUGH BECAUSE THE TRAIN DECIDED

I HAD SOME STUFF TO DO THERE

I DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT IT.

BUT, AH...

I'VE BEEN LIVING IN THE CITY

FIFTEEN YEARS I HAVE NO IDEA

WHERE THE TRAIN IS GOING.

I NEVER KNOW.

YOU CAN'T GO BY THE DOT ON THE

SIDE BECAUSE THAT'S MEANINGLESS.

THEY CHANGE IT.

YOU GET ON.

THE GUY'S LIKE "THIS IS

THE B TRAIN BUT WE'RE NOT MAKING

LOCAL STOPS AND WE DON'T WHERE

WE'RE GOING SO JUST GET THE HELL

OFF THE TRAIN!

EVERYBODY OFF THE TRAIN!

THIS IS NO LONGER A TRAIN!"

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

EVERYBODY GETS OFF AND THEN

WATCHES IT LEAVE.

"WHAT HAPPENED?

I HAD A SEAT.

THIS IS BULL (BLEEP), MAN."

(LAUGHTER)

IT'S THE WORST.

NO THE WORST THING IS WHEN THE

TRAIN GOES EXPRESS ON A WHIM,

LIKE MID-RIDE.

THEY DECIDE, LET'S NOT STOP.

WHY ARE WE STOPPING?

LET'S JUST GO.

AND LET'S NOT TELL THEM EITHER.

OR LET'S TELL THEM AS THE DOORS

ARE CLOSING.

THAT'S WHEN THEY TELL YOU.

IT'S SADISTIC.

"NEXT STOP 205th STREET".

(SOUND OF DOOR SLAMMING)

DAMN IT!

THE WORST THING IS YOU CAN'T

REALLY REACT, YOU KNOW.

I'M ON A ROCKET TO THE BRONX.

I CAN'T GO, "OH MY GOD!

SOMEBODY HELP ME!

I DON'T BELONG ON THIS TRAIN!

THAT'S NOT MY AREA UP THERE."

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

YOU CAN'T DO THAT.

YOU GOTTA GO, "HEY THE BRONX.

THIS IS GREAT."

WHEN YOU GET THERE YOU GOTTA GET

OUT LIKE, "ALL RIGHT, I'M HOME.

YEAH.

GOOD TO BE BACK ON 6 TRILLIONTH

STREET."

(LAUGHTER)

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