Jackie Kashian - Hunk of Junk Car

  • Season 7, Ep 4
  • 02/27/2003
  • Views: 1,306

Hey, valet, be careful with this 1989 Mazda. (2:02)

MINNESOTA.

THAT'S RIGHT, 1989 MAZDA 323

HATCHBACK WITH A BILLION MILES

ON IT, THAT'S RIGHT.

MY FAVORITE THING TO DO WITH MY

HUNK OF JUNK CAR IS VALET PARK.

THAT'S RIGHT, I LOVE TO

VALET PARK THE HUNK-A-JUNK CAR.

'CAUSE THERE'S NOTHING I LIKE

MORE THAN SPENDING 10 MINUTES

AND $5 EXPLAINING HOW TO DRIVE

MY CAR TO THE MAN WHO IS TRYING

TO WORK FOR A LIVING.

IT GOES SOMETHING LIKE, "YEAH,

YOU HAVE TO START IT IN NEUTRAL,

I'M SORRY.

THE EMERGENCY BRAKE DOESN'T--

DON'T LOCK IT!

DON'T LOCK IT!

THANK YOU.

NOW I HAVE TO CLIMB THROUGH

THE HATCH."

(LAUGHTER)

AND MY CAR--

PEOPLE WITH REALLY NICE CARS

WHEN THEY GO TO THE VALET ARE

MEAN.

AND THAT'S NOT OKAY, THAT'S

MEAN.

SO, I LIKE TO PLAY A LITTLE GAME

WITH THE VALET GUYS.

I LIKE TO PULL UP QUICK BEFORE

THEY SEE THE CAR, JUMP OUT,

HAND 'EM THE KEYS AND SAY VERY

STERNLY, "AND, HEY, BE CAREFUL."

(LAUGHTER)

AND THEN THEY SEE MY CAR

AND WE SHARE A LAUGH.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

THANK YOU.

AND THEN I LIKE TO SAY "AND I'VE

WRITTEN DOWN THE MILEAGE."

SO, IF IT'S MUCH ABOVE 197-FIVE,

"YOU'RE JOY-RIDIN'!"

SOMEBODY STOLE THE TAPE DECK

OUT OF MY HUNK-A-JUNK CAR.

SOMEBODY BROKE THE PASSENGER

SIDE WINDOW AND STOLE THE

TAPE DECK OUT OF MY VEHICLE.

HERE'S WHAT I'D LIKE TO SAY

TO THE CRIPS AND/OR BLOODS,

WHO DARED TO DREAM.

THEY BROKE THE PASSENGER SIDE

WINDOW TO STEAL MY $100 BEST-BUY

TAPE DECK.

WHO LOCKS AN '89 MAZDA?

CHECK THE DOOR, DUMB-ASS!

TAKE WHAT YOU'D LIKE!

OH, MY GOD!

(APPLAUSE)

Loading...