happy New Year.
I'm not even, like, intothe swing of it yet, you know?
I'm still...I've still got the tan. I, uh...
-(laughter)-I do. I have a tan.
You can't tell,but I have a tan.
Uh, I hope you guyshad a great holiday.
I had a fun time.I fulfilled a life-long dream.
I got to travel to Machu Picchu,which is fantastic.
I got to...That was me, uh, hiking there.
-I bought that hat, yes.-(laughter)
You think you're cooluntil you're in the Amazon sun.
Then you're, like, "No.Anything. Put it on my head."
-(laughter) -So I bought that,and I hiked up.
You know what's fun was,we're hiking up this mountain,
the one you seein the background.
It's called Huayna Picchu.
And this mountain is oneof the highest
in the Machu Picchu region.
And when you hike up,a lot of people can't make it
to the topbecause of altitude sickness.
And so, people faint,and, you know, some of them die.
None of them died when I wasthere, but some normally do.
-(laughter) -And then, like,people would, like, they quit.
And so,we almost got to the summit,
and then my friends were like,"Ah, I can't do it."
And my one friend, Tasha--she was, like,
"Oh, I'm tired. I'm too tired,"and so, I looked at her,
and I didn't realizeother people were listening.
And so I looked at her,and I was like, "Tasha!"
I was like, "If Donald Trump
"can be presidentof the United States,
"then we can make it to the topof this mountain!
-(cheers and applause)-And then...
And then-- and this isthe craziest thing...
This was the craziest thing.And there were, like...
There were peoplefrom all over the world.
From, like,Canada and, you know,
from Belgium and everything.
And then some other lady waslike, "Yeah, we can do it!"
And then, we started marching upthe mountains going,
-"Trump! Trump! Trump! Trump!"-(laughter)
Ah, so that was so much fun.
And to the people of Peru,thank you very much.
It was amazing.Got to hang out there.
Got to hang out with a real-lifealpaca, which was also fun.
That was cool.Yeah? See there?
Yeah, those cool guys.Yes, yes.
One of them is my son. The otherone is that little boy.
-I don't know who he is.-(laughter)
And then on New Year's Eve,
I even got to hang outat Times Square,
and I had so much fun.All right.
But no one tells you this.
If you ever come to new York,learn from me.
They don't tell youhow long you have to spend
at Times Square.It's hours. Hours on end.
You can't leave when you'rewaiting for the ball to drop.
And so, my phone was dying,all right?
And I wasn't gonna be ableto take pictures.
And I needed to charge my phone.
And luckily,I was near the stage,
-and I found an outlet.-(laughter)
All right?But it had a weird...
It was, like, plugged in,
and it said like,"M. Carey sound."
-Something like that.I don't know. -(laughter)
-So... so I pulled it out.-(applause and cheering)
So I, like...I pulled out the thing
so I could charge my phone,and it worked.
Then I charged my phone,
and I took this really coolselfie of me,
-you see performing therein front... -(laughter)
Yeah, with Mariah.
Uh, by the way,her performance was awful.
I don't know what happened.I really don't.
Like, Mariah Carey-- she bombedso hard, ISIS took credit.
-That (bleep) was insane.-(laughter)
I had so much funon New Year's.
But I will tell you...I will tell you,
there was someonewho had even more fun than me,
which is hard to believe.
CNN anchor and very seriousnews man Don Lemon.
This is way too earlyto start this.
You want a shot?I will do a shot.
It's 5:00 somewhere.Hold that.
-Guys, can you hear us?-I hope you guys are counting
how many times he's doing this.
We really don't need to see
-what's about to happen here.-No. -No.
LEMON: But I don't really do resolutions.
And I live my lifeto the fullest.
I don't carewhat people think about me.
I do what I want'cause it's my life.
You know what I'm saying?
Don't put me in a box.
-(laughter) -(slurring):"Don't put me in a box!
Don't put me in a box.Don't put me..."
You know that night ended
with Don Lemon sittingon the sidewalk
throwing up and crying.
You know that endedlike that, right?
He was probably like, "Why isWolf Blitzer so mean to me?!"
(imitates Lemon crying)
"For CNN, I'm Don Lemon."(crying)