Demetri Martin - Skipping Around

Demetri Martin: Standup Comedian. 09/29/2012 Views: 11,015

Demetri Martin thinks that there are certain situations when skipping would come in handy. (2:00)

Watch Full Episode

- When you're a kid, skippingis a perfectly acceptable way

to get around.

But then youget to a certain age,

and it has to stop.

You're not allowedto skip anymore.

It stops cold turkey,

and that's a shamebecause there are situations

where that's a good speed.

It's not running,it's not walking.

You're not jogging,which is tiring,

but it doesn't matterhow perfect

the situation would be for it,it's not allowed, you know?

"Are you okay?I'm gonna get help."

"Did that [bleep]just skip away?

We got a sick man here,you can't go playing games."

"Sir, you dropped your hat.Sir!"

"Keep it."

When it's windy out, I feel likethe world's just being mean.

I'll just be walking,and the world's like,

"Hey, you like air?Yeah?

"Yeah?You need that to breathe?

"There's some [bleep] airright in your face.

There you go."

"Whoa! Too much air.Come on, man."

I don't know why,when someone has great abs,

that's really attractive.

I know that it looks good,

but I don't understandbiologically why that is.

Like, what is it communicating,you know?

Like, you see a guywith great abs, you're like,

"Whoa, that guy could [bleep]really fast."

Wow.[grunts]

It's hard to knowwhat's gay in life, like...

Boxing? That's two guysfighting over a belt.

That seems pretty gay to me--in their underwear.