Uncensored - Steve Rannazzisi - Flying with Kids

Steve Rannazzisi: Manchild Season 1, Ep 101 11/16/2013 Views: 26,354

Steve Rannazzisi has never felt more hatred than when he boards a plane with his children. (2:01)

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KNOW WHAT THAT'S LIKE AS A MAN,TRYING TO GO THROUGH AN AIRPORT,

TRYING TO KEEP MY KIDS IN FRONTOF ME LIKE A HOCKEY GOALIE?

[ LAUGHTER ]

AND THANK GODMY WIFE IS THERE, GUYS.

THANK GOD.

BECAUSE WHO ELSE WOULD CARRYTHAT HEAVY US WEEKLY MAGAZINE

AND HALF-DRUNK BOTTLEOF EVIAN WATER?

WHO ELSE WOULD POWER THATTHROUGH SECURITY?

LOVE OF MY LIFE.

AND THEN YOU GET ON THE PLANE.

AND YOU'VE NEVER FELT HATRED --IF YOU DON'T HAVE KIDS,

YOU HAVE NO IDEAWHAT HATRED FEELS LIKE.

300 EYES, JUST,

"[ GASPS ]DON'T EVEN LOOK AT THEM."

PEOPLE THINK THAT,IF THEY DON'T LOOK AT US,

WE'LL JUST WALK OFFTHE BACK OF THE PLANE.

NO. WE'RE THERE.

AND I UNDERSTAND --IT'S A WHOLE THING.

WE'RE LIKE ONE OF THOSEMARDI GRAS FLOATS,

COMING DOWN THE MIDDLE LIKE,"WHOO! WHOO!"

BEADS, PEOPLE FLYING STUFF.

YEAH.THROWING THINGS AT OTHER PEOPLE.

ONE LADY CAUGHT EYE CONTACTWITH US,

AND SHE JUST STARTED PRAYINGTHE ROSARY.

SHE WAS LIKE, "OH, GOD.

JUST KEEP THE GRISWOLDSAWAY FROM US, PLEASE."

AND BAD NEWS --IF YOU'RE IN MY ROW,

WELL, YOU ARE NOW IN MY FAMILY.

"WELCOME TO MY FAMILY.

"WELCOME.

"HERE'S A SWEATERWITH THE FAMILY CREST ON IT.

"RAISE YOUR RIGHT HAND.

"PUT THE OTHER ONEON THE US WEEKLY MAGAZINE.

WE'RE GONNA SWEAR YOU IN."

IT'S A LONG TRIP TO L.A.X.

SOMEONE HAS TO HOLD THE iPAD.

THE iPAD, IF YOU HAVE KIDS,

IS THE GREATEST INVENTIONIN THE HISTORY OF MANKIND.

THE BEST.

I LOVE IT SO MUCH,I WOULD DIG STEVE JOBS UP,

AND I'D SUCK HIS DICKRIGHT NOW.

[ LAUGHTER ]

YEAH.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

I'D SUCK A DEAD GUY'S DICK

AND ACCEPT WHATEVERCAME INTO MY MOUTH FROM THE GUY.

OH, YEAH.YOU HAVE NO IDEA.

MY SON SITS ON THESE LONG --HE'S 4 YEARS OLD --

LONG FLIGHTS, 6 HOURS,

AND HE PLAYS WITH PUZZLES,AND HE DRAWS PICTURES,

AND HE WATCHES MOVIES,AND THEN HE FALLS ASLEEP.

AND YOU CAN TAKE IT TO THEBATHROOM AND PLEASURE YOURSELF.

NOW, YOU FIND ME SOMETHINGTHAT'S BETTER.

THEY GOT WiFiON THESE PLANES NOW, GUYS.

YOU DIDN'T THINK I'D PUTTWO AND TWO TOGETHER?

YEAH, "OCCUPIED."

STILL OCCUPIED.

WHAT DO YOU THINKIS HAPPENING IN HERE?

[ LAUGHTER ]