Chairs - Urinal Talk

  • Season 1 , Ep 4
  • 03/04/2009
  • Views: 91,429

Two employees trash talk their coworkers during a bathroom break. (2:08)

>> HEY, MAN.

AH, MAN,THAT MEETING TOOK FOREVER.

>> YEAH, TELL ME ABOUT IT.I HAD TO PEE BEFORE IT STARTED.

>> YEAH, I HAD TO PEE,AND I DRANK A POT OF COFFEE.

>> YEAH, WELL, YOU HAD TO.

I MEAN, HOW ELSEARE YOU GONNA STAY AWAKE

THROUGH THAT BORE-A-THON?

>> YEAH, SNORE-A-THON.

>> [chuckles] YEAH.

>> NICE.

YOU KNOW WHO LIKESTO HEAR HIMSELF TALK?

>> WHO?>> JOHNSON.

>> OH, MAN,DOES THAT GUY EVER SHUT UP?

>> ONLY WHEN HE'S SHOVELING FOODIN HIS MOUTH.

>> AH, WHAT A DISGUSTING,FAT PIG.

HE'S A MORALLY REPREHENSIBLE,SLOTH-LIKE, GREEDY, RANCID,

ROTTING FROM THE INSIDEAND THE OUTSIDE,

PROBABLY RACIST POD.

HE'S SWINE. HE'S A PIG.HE'S A PIG MAN.

HE'S A SWINE.

[shudders audibly]

>> YOU KNOW WHO I HATE?

>> WHO?>> PHIL.

>> OH, MAN, THAT GUYMIGHT BE THE WORST PERSON

I'VE EVER MET IN MY LIFE.

>> YEAH, I WISH THIS URINALWERE HIS FACE.

>> IF I WAS IN A ROOMWITH PHIL AND HITLER

AND I HAD ONE BULLET,I'D SHOOT PHIL.

>> I'D SHOOT MYSELF,

JUST IN CASE THE ONE BULLETDIDN'T KILL PHIL.

IDIOT.

>> DID YOU SEE HIM THE OTHER DAYAT THE WATERCOOLER

TALKING TO HENDERSON AND COOPERTELLING 'EM SOME LAME STORY,

AND, YOU KNOW, THOSE GUYSARE SITTING THERE,

TRYING TO LOOK INTERESTED.

>> YEAH, YAWN.

GOD BLESS THOSE GUYS

FOR ACTING LIKETHEY WERE INTERESTED AT ALL.

>> YEAH, THEY'RE DOUCHE BAGS.>> TOTAL DOUCHE BAGS.

I HATE THOSE GUYS.

YOU KNOW HENDERSON'SBANGING COOPER'S WIFE?

>> YEAH.I MEAN, EVERYBODY DOES.

>> YOU KNOW WHO I DO LIKE?>> WHO?

>> THE NEW GUY.

>> OH, THAT GUY'S HILARIOUS.

>> HE'S HILARIOUS.>> HE'S REALLY FUNNY.

DID YOU HEAR THAT STORYABOUT HOW HE ACCIDENTALLY SLEPT

WITH A MALE PROSTITUTE?

>> IS THAT HOW HE GOT HERPES?>> YEAH, I GUESS.

EITHER THATOR HIS STAY IN PRISON.

>> OH, RIGHT.HE WAS IN PRISON.

DID I TELL YOU THAT LAST WEEKENDI HAD TO SEE CIRQUE DU SOLEIL?

>> OH, GOD, CIRQUE DU "SO-LAME,"MORE LIKE IT, HUH?

>> I HATE CIRQUE DU SOLEIL.

WHAT? YOU'RE STACKING PEOPLE?>> YEAH.

>> COME ON, JUGGLE FIRE.LIKE, IMPRESS ME.

I DON'T KNOW, FIGHT A LION.>> MM-HMM.

I'LL SEE YOU IN THERE.

>> I'LL CATCH UP WITH YOU.HAVE A GOOD ONE.

>> BARE BONES.>> BARE BONES.

DOUCHE BAG.

[door clicks]>> HMM? WHAT WAS THAT?

>> UH, I JUST CALLED YOUA DOUCHE BAG.

>> [laughs] ALL RIGHT, [...].>> [laughs] LATER.

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