Demetri Martin - Stuff on Piano

Season 1 , Ep 101 01/13/07 Views: 55,987

While playing the piano and singing, Demetri Martin describes his whale-watching experience, gives a warning to chick magnets and gets real about hiking. (3:32)

Watch Full Episode

♪ A POWER NAP

♪ IS WHEN YOU SLEEP ON SOMEONE WHO'S WEAKER THAN YOU ♪

[ LAUGHTER ]

♪ I WENT WHALE-WATCHING ONCE

♪ IT WAS VERY SIMILAR

♪ TO WATCHING PEOPLE ON A BOAT BECOME DISAPPOINTED ♪

[ LAUGHTER ]

♪ WE DID A LOT OF WHALE THINKING-ABOUT THAT DAY ♪

♪ A MOBILE HOME WITH A FLAT TIRE IS A HOME ♪

[ LAUGHTER ]

♪ IF YOU CAN'T TELLTHE DIFFERENCE ♪

♪ BETWEEN A SPOON AND A LADLE,THEN YOU'RE FAT ♪

[ LAUGHTER ]

♪ I WANT TO PUT STICKERS ON TURTLES ♪

♪ I DON'T KNOW WHY

♪ I JUST KNOW I WANT TO PUT THEM ON THEM ♪

♪ THAT'S THE BEST KIND OF ANIMAL ♪

♪ FOR ADVERTISING YOUR BAND IN MOTHER NATURE ♪

♪ NOW, I GOT A TIME MACHINEAT HOME ♪

♪ IT ONLY GOES FORWARD AT REGULAR SPEED ♪

♪ IT'S ESSENTIALLY A CARDBOARD BOX ♪

♪ AND ON THE OUTSIDE, I WROTE "TIME MACHINE" IN SHARPIE ♪

[ BELL CHIMES ]

♪ I LOVE UNNECESSARY BELLS

[ BELLS CHIME ]

♪ HOW FAST DOES A ZEBRA HAVE TO RUN BEFORE IT LOOKS GRAY? ♪

[ LAUGHTER ]

♪ NOW, I MET MANY CHOCOHOLICS

♪ BUT I AIN'T NEVER SEEN NO CHOCOHOL ♪

♪ WE GOT AN EPIDEMIC, PEOPLE

♪ PEOPLE WHO LOVE CHOCOLATE

♪ AND DON'T UNDERSTAND THE RULESOF WORD ENDINGS ♪

♪ THEY'RE PROBABLY OVERWORK-OHOLED ♪

♪ THEY CALL IT "FISHING"

♪ BUT THEY SHOULD CALL IT WAS IT REALLY IS -- ♪

♪ "TRICKING AND KILLING"

[ LAUGHTER ]

♪ FISHING

♪ HIKING IS JUST WALKINGWHERE IT'S OKAY TO PEE ♪

[ LAUGHTER ]

♪ SOMETIMES, OLD PEOPLE HIKE BY MISTAKE ♪

[ LAUGHTER ]

♪ NOW, IF YOU'REA CHICK MAGNET ♪

♪ BE VERY CAREFULABOUT WHICH DIRECTION YOU FACE ♪

♪ 'CAUSE YOU COULD BECOME A CHICK REPELLANT ♪

♪ YEAH

♪ I WANT TO COMMIT A CRIME DURING A RE-ENACTMENT ♪

♪ TURN IT INTO AN ENACTMENT

[ BELL CHIMES ]

♪ "HOT POTATO" IS A VERY DIFFERENT GAME ♪

♪ WHEN THE PEOPLE PLAYING ARE STARVING ♪

[ LAUGHTER ]

♪ THEN IT'S MORE LIKE "MY POTATO" ♪

♪ BURNED FINGERTIPS, AND I DON'T GIVE A DAMN -- FREE POTATO! ♪

♪ IT'S VERY EASY TO TURN A TOY INTO AN ADULT TOY ♪

♪ LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION

[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]

♪ IF I EVER SAW AN AMPUTEE BEING HANGED ♪

♪ I WOULD JUST YELL OUTLETTERS ♪

[ LAUGHTER ]

[ BELL CHIMES ]

♪ YEAH

Loading...