Matt Braunger - Strip Club Etiquette

Matt Braunger: Shovel Fighter Season 1, Ep 101 07/14/2012 Views: 10,515

As a man, Matt Braunger has strip club etiquette in his bones. (2:12)

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I was talking to the manager

and I'm like,"So what are the women like

when these guys come out?They go crazy?"

And the managergot really serious and sad.

And he's like, "The women,they're [bleep] horrible, man.

"They grab my ass,my balls.

I weigh 300 pounds.I'm not a [bleep] dancer."

And he walked away to cryand drink Scotch by himself.

I'm like,"What did they do to him?"

And I thinkit's just because, look,

women, you haveall the etiquette in the world,

and thank God you're here.

Without you, this worldwould be a burnt husk.

It would be the worst.Right?

[scattered cheersand applause]

But...but you don't havestrip club etiquette.

Okay?It's not your fault.

You just don't goto strip clubs.

Men, we haveno etiquette,

but I know strip clubetiquette in my bones.

I know if I touch the [bleep],I'll get tased.

I know that [bleep].

'Cause men are disgusting,

and we have to be keptin check through violence.

We have to be.

Just like, "Titties?No touching?

"All right.Beer. Beer's good.

"♪ Drinking beerand watching titties ♪

♪ I'm [bleep] gross "

Men are disgusting.

If a woman wantsto touch a male stripper,

[bleep] 'em, no one cares.

You know?"Oh, my God, look at his balls.

"Ha ha ha.[bleep] you.

"Walk it off.[bleep] him.

I'm punchingall their balls."

Poor guy's like,"Please, stop. Stop!

Why didn't I finish college?"

'Cause there's no demandfor male strippers, right?

No woman's like,"Oh, let's go see

male strippers tonight, yeah!"

You know,it's like a fun thing.

There's always a demandfor female strippers, right?

'Cause there's alwaysthis guy.

There's always a guythat's just like,

"I've had the worst day, man.

"I just want a beerin my hand

"and some tits in my face.Blah.

I'm gross."Right?

No woman has ever said,

"I've had the worst day.

"I just want a glass of winein my hand

"and a set of [bleep] and balls

"banging against my faceand head.

That's all I want.Hooray!"

[laughter]

"Yay!"

Never, ever, ever.

And I've triedmany times.