Thank you very much.Thank you very much.
Oh, thank you very much.
Please, have a seat, please.
Thank you. So kind.Thank you so much.
Welcome to The Nightly Show.
They are correct,
I am Larry, Larry, LarryWilmore.
Hey, man, last nightHillary Clinton
became the firstfemale presidential nominee.
And today, Donald Trumpachieved a first of his own
when, um, he took some timeout of his campaign
for, um, a little light treason.
Russia, if you're listening,
I hope you're able to find
the 30,000 e-mails
that are missing.
I think you will probably
be rewarded mightilyby our press.
Let's see if that happens.
No, let's not seeif that happens.
Oh, my God, you guys.
Did you hear that?
Trump literallyjust asked the Russians
to cyber-attackthe United States,
the country he wants to bein charge of protecting.
Seriously, is this finallygoing to be the thing
where we say"No, he's gone too far"
and send him home? Please?
Please, please, please.
Please let it be the thing.
Because, so far,none of these were the thing.
let this be the thing.
Because I can't...Guys, I can't take this anymore.
I can't. It's true.
I had a full head of hairwhen this show started.
True. It's crazy.
Oh, my God, that was...
not quite the hairdoI was expecting, you guys.
To have had.All right, moving on.
Let's see what's happeningwith The Unblackening.
Yeah, boy-- day two of the DNC.
It was roll call,and history was made
when a major party formallynominated the first woman
to be presidentof the United States.
The first woman nomineein American history.
History will be made.
We're closer than ever
to putting a womanin the White House.
The very first woman president.
And I move that Hillary Clintonbe selected as the nominee
of the Democratic party
for presidentof the United States.
Didn't seem like he wasenjoying it, though.
Kind of like he wasforced to do it.
And guess what elseyou're gonna do?
You're gonna announce her.
You're gonna put herover the top, okay?
Let Bernie go homeand take a nap, you guys.
It's all right.But, man,
it was an exciting night.Let me tell you something--
it was a night so excitingfamed emoter Meryl Streep
couldn't not emote.
I'll tell you something.
Uh, a little fun fact-- I don'tthink a lot of people know this,
but Meryl's sucha great actress, she's actually
been at the convention all weekas one of the flags
on the back of the stage. Um...
Not making it up. True story.
Not making it up. But...
But the big story of the nightwas Bill Clinton,
and he had a very important job:convincing America
that his wifeis capable of hu-man emotions.
In the spring of 1971,
I met a girl.
Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill.
Focus on Hillary, Bill.
Don't get off on a tangent!No, no, no, no, no.
You'll never finish!You'll never finish!
Get back to... Sorry.(speaks indistinctly)
I get it, I get it, I get it.
You're telling usabout your attempt at romance.
I g... I got to be honestwith you guys though.
Some of the lines, they, eh...
it sounded a little stalk-y.
After the class,I followed her out,
intending to introduce myself.
I got close enoughto touch her back,
but I couldn't do it.
So I watched her...
Mm. All right,
so we know, uh, he becamepresident by defeating a Bush,
and now we know he met Hillaryby hiding in a bush.
Very good, Mr. President.
Uh, did anybody else thinkthat was strange?
I think the beginningof the speech was
a-a controversial way to start.
I got to say, the-the st..top of the speech
I found shocking and weird.
Almost as shocking and weirdas still having to co-anchor
with Brian Williams,I would, uh...
I would imagine. What, too soon?Too soon about Brian Williams?
-What?-(cheering and applause)
Did I do that? Okay.
Anyway, so he took us throughhis relationship with Hillary
from the beginning,some of her accomplishments
we may not have known about,some personal anecdotes,
and then he starts to talkabout, like, what happened
in 1997.And that's close to '98.
(gasps)Oh, my God.
I know what happened in '98.
Is he gonna talk about the...Wha...?
1997 was the yearChelsea finished high school
and went to college.
(cheering and applause)
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Pause, rewind,play it back in slowmo!
You should talkabout that (bleep), man!
Was there any more human momentthan when you stepped out
on your ladyand everybody saw it?
Right. And we was like,"Oh, (bleep)!"
Right? And you were like,"I know, I know, I know."
Okay, obviously he's not goingto say that, right,
but rather than saying"Fast-forward,"
you know, he could have said,"And then I had one
"of my worst moments, bothas a president and as a husband.
"And without the strengthof my wife standing by my side,
"against all oddsand public opinion,
I would never be the man I amstanding in front of you today."
That's a (bleep) applause line,man.
-(cheering and applause)-(bleep) applause line.
How could you not say that?
You don't fast-forward
through some human (bleep)like that, man!
That's human stuffI'm talking about.
You got to own that, Bill.
Never gonna happen.