Daniel Tosh - Fun at the Airport

  • Season 7 , Ep 23
  • 07/24/2003
  • Views: 100,192

Daniel Tosh uses his cell phone ear piece to have fun at the airport. (2:10)

HAVE YOU GUYS FLOWN SINCE 11-9?

I'M EUROPEAN.

[LAUGHTER]

IT'S NOT FUN TO FLY,

I'LL TELL 'YA.

I HAVE ONE OF THOSE CELL PHONES

WITH THE EAR-PIECE THAT HANGS

STRAIGHT DOWN.

SO WHEN YOU TALK, YOU LOOK LIKE

YOU'RE CRAZY.

EVERYBODY EAVESDROPS ON YOUR

CONVERSATION.

THEY DON'T WANT TO.

THEY'RE FORCED TO BECAUSE

YOU PROJECT RIGHT ONTO THE AIR.

SO WHEN I GET A PHONE CALL

AT THE AIRPORT, I'LL ADMIT IT.

I LIKE TO HAVE A LITTLE FUN.

GO AHEAD.

[LAUGHTER]

GATE 47 IS COMPLETELY CLEAR.

PEOPLE NOTICE IN A HURRY.

"HONEY, SOMETHING'S GOING ON.

THAT GUY HAS A WIRE HANGING

DOWN.

MAYBE WE SHOULDN'T BE STANDING

RIGHT-- "

"STAND DOWN, BLUE TEAM!

STAND DOWN, BLUE TEAM!"

"HONEY, THERE IS A STING

GOING ON HERE AT THE AIRPORT.

I AM NOT FEELING SAFE.

PLACE LET'S--"

"STAND DOWN, BLUE TEAM!

DON'T-- HOLD ON, THE SUSPECT'S

APPROACHING.

HE'S IN A BUSINESS SUIT

WITH A BRIEFCASE.

I REPEAT, THE BRIEFCASE

IS IN HIS HAND."

AND I FIND SOME RANDOM

BUSINESSMAN.

I RUN, I JUST BEAT THE CRAP

OUT OF HIM.

AND EVERYBODY STARTS CLAPPING.

"THANK YOU FOR MAKING OUR

AIRWAYS SAFE."

AND THEN I GO GET ON MY PLANE.

AND THAT GUY'S JUST GOT A

WEIRD STORY TO TELL FOR THE REST

OF HIS LIFE.

[LAUGHTER]

YEAH.

HE'S LIKE "I'M NEVER GOING BACK

TO LOS ANGELES AGAIN.

I WAS AT THE AIRPORT A COUPLE

DAYS AGO, AND THIS GUY CAME

OUTTA NOWHERE.

AND HE JUST BEAT ME UP."

[LAUGHTER]

"AND EVERYBODY JUST CLAPPED.

[LAUGHTER]

WHAT IS WRONG WITH THOSE

PEOPLE?"

I THINK BOXERS ARE THE GREATEST

ATHLETES OF ALL SPORTS, FOR THE

SIMPLE FACT THAT THEY DON'T CRY.

THAT IS MIND BLOWING.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN PUNCHED

IN THE NOSE?

OH, MY GOSH, IT HURTS SO BAD.

[LAUGHTER]

THEY HAVE TO GO BACK TO A CORNER

WHERE SOME LITTLE MAN YELLS

AT 'EM.

"SHUT UP, I JUST GOT PUNCHED

IN THE FACE."

[LAUGHTER]

"YEAH, I KNOW, DODGE AND PUNCH

MORE.

IT IS A VERY SIMPLE CONCEPT."

IF I WAS A BOXER, YOU KNOW WHO

I WOULD HIRE FOR MY CORNER MAN?

MY MOM.

[LAUGHTER]

AT LEAST SHE COULD MAKE ME FEEL

GOOD ON THE INSIDE.

"I DON'T WANNA FIGHT ANYMORE."

"WHO'S MY BIG BOY?

[LAUGHTER]

YOU ARE.

YES, YOU-- DO YOU WANT ME

TO CALL HIS PARENTS?

NO?

OKAY, THEN DRY THOSE TEARS,

PUSSY, THAT'S WHY DAD LEFT."

[LAUGHTER]

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