Patton Oswalt - VIP Afterlife

  • Season 1, Ep 6
  • 01/11/2011
  • Views: 13,686

Dying in the apocalypse would be pretty awesome. (1:28)

(Patton Oswalt)WE'RE ON THE EDGEOF ARMAGEDDON NOW,

WE REALLY ARE.

THE APOCALYPSE!

LIKE, WE'RE PROBABLYGONNA DIE IN THE(bleep) APOCALYPSE.

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT'S KINDOF EXCITING ABOUT THAT?

IS THAT IF THE APOCALYPSEACTUALLY GOES DOWN,

AND I MEAN THE (bleep)BIBLICAL APOCALYPSE.

IF THAT STARTS TO HAPPEN, IMEAN, LIKE, (bleep) RENTSIN THE GROUND OPENING UP

AND DEMONS FLYING OUT ANDGNAWING ON YOUR FLESH.

IT MEANS A COUPLE THINGS--ONE, IT MEANS THAT I'M WRONG

AND THERE IS A GOD ANDTHERE IS AN AFTERLIFE.

TWO, IT MEANS THAT SINCETHERE IS AN AFTERLIFE,

YOU WILL BE IN THE (bleep)VIP SECTION OF THE AFTERLIFE

'CAUSE YOU'LL HAVE DIED INTHE (bleep) DAMN APOCALYPSE!

HOLY (bleep)!

EVERYONE ELSE UP INHEAVEN'S GONNA BE LIKE,

HEY, HOW DIDYOU DIE, MAN?

UH, BUS ACCIDENT.

HOW ABOUT YOU?

UH, FIRE ANTS.

AND THEY'LL GO,"HOW ABOUT YOU, MAN?"

AND YOU'LL GO,"HOW'D I DIE?"

THE (bleep) APOCALYPSE!

HOLY (bleep)!

I'M IN THE VELVET ROPESECTION, MOTHER (bleep)!

WHERE ARE MY--WHERE AREMY OTHER POCKIES AT?

WHERE ARE MY POCKIES?

COME ON, HIGH FIVE!

OH, IT WAS AWESOME!

THERE WERE THESE(bleep) VOLCANOES THATCAME OUT OF THE GROUND

AND THEY SPEWED MENSTRUALBLOOD INTO THE TROPOSPHERE!

AND IT FORMED INTOAVRIL LAVIGNE'S FACE!

AND SHE RECITED THE"PATCH ADAMS" SCREENPLAYFOR AN ETERNITY!

OH, IT WAS BEAUTIFUL!

MEDIOCRITY HELD SWAY!

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