I love eating out.
It's one of my favoritethings to do.
Some people are hardto eat with.
Some people annoythe wait staff
with annoyinglittle requests,
like water with lemon.
Waitress comes by,"Here's some water for you."
"Oh, not so fast.
"I know you thinkyou just did the easiest thing
"you're gonna dothe entire night,
"but, please, allow meto complicate it.
"I really needsome lemon with my water.
"You know, the wayI drink it at home.
"Always slicing upa lemon
"with each and everyglass of water.
"I must go through50 cutting boards a month
"from all that relentlesslemon slicing.
"And they love mearound the office,
"'cause I'm always the guywho goes in the break room,
refills that lemon bucket."
Then there are the othertypes of people,
the people who pretendthey feel bad
about asking a waitressfor anything, you know?
Waitress comes back."Can I get you something else?"
"Maybe another napkin?
"I feel terrible.
"You know, I'll just sit herewith ketchup all over my face.
"Oh, that's blue cheeseon my eyelashes.
Things got out of controlwith your wings."
Sometimes, if I enjoy my meal,I'll tell the waitress.
When she brings the check,I'm like,
"Thanks.That was great."
Like she's gonna go sprintinginto the kitchen.
"Drop your trays, everyone.
"Chef, you might wanna putthat spatula down.
"Remember the guy at table 84?Uh-huh, Caesar salad.
"Dressing and croutonson the side.
"Two separate little plates.
"Exactly seven inches apart.
That's why we gotin this business, huh? Boom!"