Vic Henley - NASCAR

  • Season 9 , Ep 16
  • 05/28/2005
  • Views: 8,705

NASCAR on the radio is even more boring than golf on television. (3:24)

I RIDE AROUND A LOT IN

THE SOUTH.

I'VE TOURED ALL OVER AMERICA.

I'VE BEEN IN ALL THE STATES.

LAST FALL I WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF

NOWHERE, I'M RIDING AROUND

NORTH CAROLINA, VIRGINIA.

I'M SO FAR IN THE MIDDLE OF

NOWHERE THAT I'M HITTING "SEEK"

ON THE CAR RENTAL RADIO,

YOU KNOW, AND IT'S GOING

SHOO, SHOO, SHOO,

SHOO, SHOO, SHOO!

RIGHT?

SO I GO TO AM BECAUSE I KNOW

I'M IN THE SOUTH AND

IT'LL STOP ON AM.

IN THE SOUTH IT'LL STOP

1100 TIMES ON AM.

[LAUGHTER]

RIGHT, YOU DON'T GET A LOT OF

VARIETY.

YOU EITHER GET ONE OF

TWO THINGS.

YOU EITHER GET...

[IMITATING BANJO MUSIC]

OR "AND JESUS SAID..."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

SO THIS PARTICULAR DAY I GET

SPORTS TALK.

AND I USUALLY DON'T LISTEN TO

SPORTS TALK, BUT IT WAS BETWEEN

COUNTRY AND JESUS SO THAT WAS MY

ONLY CHOICE.

AND SO THERE WAS A NASCAR RACE

COMING TO THE AREA, OKAY?

SO, YEAH, I DON'T KNOW THAT MUCH

ABOUT NASCAR.

I KNOW THAT MY BROTHER'S LISTEN

TO THE NASCAR ON THE RADIO

THAT'S HOW SAD THEIR LIVES ARE.

[LAUGHTER]

AND AH-- YEAH, IF YOU THINK

GOLF ON TELEVISION'S TOO

EXCITING FOR YOU, EVERYBODY,

GO AHEAD KICK IT ON UP A NOTCH

AND PUT A LITTLE NASCAR ON THE

RADIO.

[LAUGHTER]

NOTHING WILL SEND YOU TO

DREAMLAND ANY QUICKER THAN

FOUR SOLID HOURS OF...

[SOUND OF ENGINES ROARING]

"THEY'RE GOING LEFT!

[LAUGHTER]

[ENGINE ROARS CONTINUE]

STILL GOING LEFT!"

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

FIRST THING I DISCOVERED IN

NASCAR THAT I DID NOT KNOW.

IN NASCAR WHEN THEY LIKE

SOMEBODY, THEY YELL OUT THE

NUMBER OF THE CAR, RIGHT?

RIGHT.

SO I DON'T KNOW, LIKE IN

OTHER SPORTS YOU GUYS MIGHT SAY,

"GO YANKEES" OR "I LIKE A-ROD"

OR "GO KNICKS" OR WHATEVER,

RIGHT?

THEY YELL OUT THE NUMBER OF THE

CAR.

I DON'T KNOW THIS.

I'M JUST HEARING THE DJ ON THE

RADIO.

I'M IN MY CAR, I HEAR "BOB FROM

CHARLOTTE, YOU'RE ON THE LINE.

BOB, WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY?"

"SIX!"

[LAUGHTER]

"NEXT CALLER, DAN."

"FOURTEEN!"

THIS WENT ON FOR LIKE

EIGHT MINUTES.

IT'S LIKE SOME SORT OF INBRED

BASTARDIZED BINGO WAS TAKING

PLACE.

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

SO PART OF THE TOUR I HAD

TO STOP AND DO A SHOW AT THE

UNIVERSITY OF SOUTH CAROLINA,

RIGHT?

AND THEY'RE THE GAME COCKS,

I DON'T KNOW IF YOU GUYS

KNOW THAT.

THAT'S THEIR MASCOT, UNIVERSITY

OF SOUTH CAROLINA GAME COCKS.

ALL RIGHT, I'M A SOUTHERN

PERSON, I KNEW THAT.

WHAT THEY LIKE TO DO IS

THEY SHORTEN THIS.

NONE OF THEIR PARAPHERNALIA

HAS GAME COCKS ON IT.

EVERYTHING JUST HAS COCKS

WRITTEN ON IT.

THEY PUT A LITTLE PICTURE OF THE

ROOSTER TO GET AWAY WITH THE

DOUBLE ENTENDRE, AND SO...

RIGHT, SO THEY GOT HATS AND

EVERYTHING.

SO I KNEW ALL THIS.

WHAT I DID NOT KNOW IS THAT

HOMECOMING WEEK, COLLECTIVELY

THE WHOLE WEEK OF WHICH I'M A

PART OF HAS ITS OWN NAME, OKAY?

SO MY SHOW'S OVER.

I'M JUST PART OF THE WHOLE

THINGS.

I'M IN THE BACK OF THE ROOM

TALKING TO THESE STUDENTS.

THIS GUY WALKS UP TO ME AND

HE'S LIKE, "DUDE, THAT WAS

REALLY FUNNY.

ARE YOU STICKING AROUND FOR ALL

OF COCKFEST?"

[LAUGHTER]

I'M LIKE "UHHHH, WENT TO

RED LOBSTER ONCE FOR

LOBSTERFEST.

AND THAT WAS ALL THE LOBSTER

I COULD EAT FOR $11.99.

SOOOOO...

NOOOOO."

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