Uncensored - Neal Brennan - Human Beings Are D**ks

Neal Brennan: Women and Black Dudes Season 1, Ep 101 01/18/2014 Views: 3,692

Neal Brennan knows that human beings are d**ks because of whom we hold in high regard. (2:11)

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TEXTING AND DRIVING,ALSO ILLEGAL.

THAT, I GOT TO SAY,I AGREE WITH, THOUGH,

'CAUSE TEXTING AND DRIVING

IS SOME MIND-BENDING SHIT,ISN'T IT?

JUST YOU'LL BE DRIVING ALONGAND BE LIKE, "YOU KNOW WHAT?

LET ME JUST CLICK ON..."

[ LAUGHTER ]

"TEXT MY FRIEND HERE."

YOU LOOK UP, AND YOU'RE LIKE,

"WOW, WAS I DRIVINGTHAT WHOLE TIME?"

[ LAUGHTER ]

"THAT SHIT WAS DANGEROUS.FUCK."

[ LAUGHTER ]

"'CAUSE WHEN I LOOKED DOWN,I WAS ON THE HIGHWAY.

AND NOW I'M IN MY GARAGE."

[ LAUGHTER ]

"WELL, AT LEASTIT WAS AN IMPORTANT TEXT."

[ LAUGHTER ]

"NO, YOU'RE RETARDED."

[ LAUGHTER ]

[ LAUGHS ]

NOT SUPPOSED TO SAY RETARDED.

BUT I THINK WE ALL HAVE A WORDTHAT WE'RE LIKE,

"NO,I'M GONNA KEEP SAYING THAT ONE."

[ LAUGHTER ]

I GOT A COUPLE.

UM, YOU KNOW WHY WE ALL HAVEA WORD?

YOU KNOW WHY WE KEEPSAYING "RETARDED" EVENTHOUGH WE SHOULDN'T,

IS 'CAUSE, UH,'CAUSE WE'RE DICKS.

[ LAUGHTER ]

YOU KNOW HOW YOU KNOWHUMAN BEINGS ARE DICKS

IS BY WHO WE HOLD UP AS GREAT

'CAUSE THEY'RENOT EVEN REALLY THAT GREAT.

LIKE, MOTHER TERESA'S FAMOUS'CAUSE SHE GAVE AWAY FREE SOUP.

BUT WE'RE SUCH DICKS, WE HEARDTHAT LIKE, "WAIT A MINUTE.

"SHE GAVE AWAY FREE SOUP?

"SHE DIDN'T CHARGE FOR CROUTONSOR NOTHING?

THIS WOMAN'S A FRICKIN' SAINT."

MARTIN LUTHER KING'S FAMOUS'CAUSE HE SAID,

"HEY, DESPITE THE DIFFERENCESIN THE COLOR OF OUR SKIN,

LET'S ALL BE GOODTO EACH OTHER."

AGAIN, WE'RE SUCH DICKS,WE HEARD THIS,

WE'RE LIKE, "RACIAL TOLERANCE?

"WHO THINKS OF THIS SHIT?

"YOU'RE GETTING YOUR OWNHOLIDAY, MARTIN LUTHER KING.

"YEAH, YOUR BIRTHDAY --I DON'T GO TO WORK.

THAT'S HOW MUCH YOU MEAN TO ME."

[ LAUGHTER ]

JESUS IS FAMOUS 'CAUSE HE SAID,

"TREAT OTHER PEOPLE THE WAYYOU WANT THEM TO TREAT YOU."

WE HEARD THIS, WE'RE LIKE,

"THIS JESUS ISON SOME NEXT-LEVEL SHIT.

[ LAUGHTER ]

"WE'RE GONNA WORSHIP YOU, JESUS, AND YOUR DAD.

THIS DOESN'T END TONIGHT,BELIEVE ME."

[ LAUGHTER ]

"NECKLACES WITH YOU ON IT,T-SHIRTS.

'YOU'RE MY HOMEBOY.'

"WE'RE GONNA WORSHIP YOUR MOM

BUT NOT YOUR STEPDAD 'CAUSEFUCK HIM FOR SOME REASON."

[ LAUGHTER ]